Motivation, by definition, is the willingness to carry out any given task. It is the drive for all human behavior and an indispensable part of life. It is always said that hard work and determination can achieve anything. Many people fail to mention that both require motivation, and motivation has never been an easy beast to tame. We often hear people talk about how the most gifted individuals have difficulty excelling due to a lack of motivation. The lack of motivation is often looked at as a derivative of laziness, but that could not be any less true. We are often harsh on our own and other people’s demotivation as we see it as a deliberate act rather than a natural emotion. We cannot speak for everyone but more often than not, people want to work hard and succeed in life. So why do we still run out of motivation, and what can we do to regain it?
The past year or so has been challenging for our planet as a whole, and there is no need to point out the dire state of our collective mental health. Pandemics, much like many other historical events, are traumatic for the masses. We are jarred by the loss of what is known to us while simultaneously being forced to act like nothing is amiss. In the midst of this pandemic, we have found ourselves feeling burnt out and demotivated. In response to this, we do the one thing that we shouldn’t, which is pushing through anyway. Ignoring the root cause of your demotivation often turns to resentment towards your task, leading to more and more dissatisfaction. You can not pour from an empty cup, so it is of utmost importance to introspect and self-improve.
We all know what the problem is; we know that we want to solve it, so half the road to improvement has already been traveled. All that is left to do now is to look into the science of it and find a solution. As per the Hierarchy of Needs theory, individuals can only be motivated to complete greater tasks if their most basic needs are met. Your loss of motivation stems from the lack of fulfillment of your most basic needs. Ask yourself these questions –
Am I taking care of my body?
Am I environmentally and financially secure?
Am I safe and loved in my relationships?
Am I in good esteem?
Am I confident in my efforts?
The answers to these questions will help you identify the reasons for your lack of motivation. If we go sequentially, the most basic need for anyone is sustenance. If you’re not taking care of your body and health, then invariably, you will end up feeling drained and demotivated. An easy fix is staying hydrated, being particular about your nutrition, and keeping your surroundings in order.
The second question pertains to your physical and financial security. Building upon the previous point, we know that bad health cannot possibly work to our full potential. Give yourself time to heal instead of trying to work while you’re not physically ready for it. You can’t walk on a broken foot forever. Do not put your health and safety in danger for your task, and watch the motivation shoot back into your life.
Humans are social beings. We cannot and should not exist in isolation. With isolation becoming a way of life in the current scenario, we have been subjected to a different kind of loss of contact. Ask yourself if you need to talk and then find someone to talk to. It could be a friend, a relative, or your therapist. In addition to this, you must re-evaluate the relationships in your life. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference to the way you carry yourself in life. Chose the people you share your life with care. The point doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. Any relationship that weighs down on you instead of uplifting you is only making you less likely to live up to your potential. Don’t carry the stress from these deadweight relationships, and allow yourself to grow.
The matter of esteem in the workplace is often taken for granted. One can indeed have a thick skin and not care about how others treat them in the workplace, but there is only so much one can take. Creating a safe and comfortable work environment is the first step in ensuring maximum output from yourself and your team. While it is the responsibility of the workspace to ensure good esteem, it is also a personal responsibility to make sure you command the respect you deserve. Holding people in good regard and being held with the same helps keep up motivation and thus improves output.
The last thing that you must evaluate is yourself and your self-esteem. It is always great to have people who support you around, but it counts for nothing if you don’t believe in yourself. The most important person you need in your corner is you. You can only stay motivated if you know that your effort counts for something, and thus it is incredibly important to believe in yourself.
Ideally, motivation would be straightforward, and its lack would be easily remedied. Unfortunately, what is ideal is not always real and so staying motivated is hard work. Acknowledge that and make an active effort to evaluate your situation. If you know your needs and know how to fulfill them, you will never run out of motivation. Make sure to keep yourself at peace so that you can perform to your full potential. On some days, motivation may be difficult to find, but I assure you it exists within you. It is up to you to know yourself and see it daily, be it through meditation, affirmations, or a good night’s sleep. Know that you’re not wrong or lazy for feeling demotivated, and then go ahead and regain it. The world is your oyster, don’t let this minor slump dissuade you.read more
We often find ourselves googling little questions throughout our days about things we don’t understand or know how to do. The answers are usually straightforward and get the job done so that we can move on to the next task on our lists. One such question that has about 87,40,00,000 results is, ‘How to keep your partner happy?’ and the answer is anything but straightforward.
I would like to stress that the first thing to do, is to work towards making yourself happy. We have heard the saying that ‘Hurt people, hurt people’, and so it is of the utmost importance for you to be satisfied and content in yourself before you start bending over backward to make someone else happy.
Relationships are a bit of a paradox because they are simultaneously the most simple and complicated things in the world. They are simple because all they need is love, and they are complex because just love is never enough. I realize that we have been drip-fed the ‘one true love’ narrative by popular culture for years and years. Over generations, we have been taught to differentiate true love and fake love, as if fake love even exists. It is an oxymoron, you know; love is not and can never be faked. Just because you’re with the love of your life now does not make all your other relationships fake. It may not last forever, but it is almost always true if it’s love. Once you understand that, you’ll stop putting undue pressure on your relationship to be perfect.
What should you do when you’re in love and want to make it known to your partner? The key here is communication. Get to know your partner and what makes them who they are. Not everyone wants a grand gesture, sometimes lending an ear is enough; that is not to say that grand gestures are useless. You just need to know what exactly your partner likes. Maybe they want you to buy them a gift, or perhaps they want you to cook them a meal, sometimes they may just want you to sit with them and watch the sunrise in silence; all three are languages of love, and all three can make people happy. So, start with communication.
There are various love languages, and they aren’t always the same for people, but the common factor in all of them is respect and consideration. This brings me to my next point – Always respect your partner. If reading this sentence ruffles your feathers, then introspection may be in order. Respect is not about status or domination; respect is so much more tender than that. When I say respect, I don’t mean the performative kind; continue to be who you are around your partner while simultaneously remembering that they are a whole universe unto themselves just as you are. Respect their time and energy. If you say you’re going to do something and go somewhere, keep your word. I have to add here that you must hold yourself to the same standard and expect respect from a partner in a similar fashion.
Most people, if not all, want to be loved and appreciated. However, we often blur the lines between being loved and being raised. Do not let your partner unknowingly take on a parental role for you. As outlandish as this sounds, it is a pretty common reason for the short life of certain relationships. There should be a healthy balance of responsibility between partners so that everyone can retain their individuality. The point where these lines are blurred is the point where your partner will start to feel unhappy. Another facet of this is giving your partner space. I understand that some people may want to be with their partners all the time, which is not a bad thing, but you have to draw a line somewhere. Don’t stifle your partner, let them have space, and don’t take their need for space personally. Everyone needs to be alone and in meditation sometimes. This can look different for different people; maybe your partner likes to work out early in the morning, maybe they like to sit in silence and read, maybe they want to watch a show alone. None of these mean that they dislike you; it just means that they need to be on their own and that this is an opportunity for you to go and do the things that you like.
Couples are teams and thus require a healthy amount of team spirit. Make plans together with your partner. This could be anything from planning vacations to planning meals or chores. Make plans together in a way where both of you can make the most of them. I will not ask you to be selfless to make your partner happy. Your priority should always be you, but that does not mean that you should be selfish. Strike a balance, find a middle ground if you cannot come to a clear decision but do not let your ego or selfishness get in the way of solving problems. In line with the idea of discussion and dissent, I have one tip that is a little less profound than the rest. Do not simmer in your anger too long. If you argue with your partner, learn to know when to walk away. You don’t have to talk about everything as soon as it happens. Give yourself and your partner time, and never say things out of anger. My mother always says that your words are like arrows, and once they’re out of your mouth, you cannot take them back. You may move past them for the time being, but I assure you that any pain caused by your words will remain for a much longer time.
I know that you can do many little things for your partner that are not as long-term as these. However, most of us know that; flowers, gifts, and grand gestures are common knowledge, and I do not doubt that they make romantic partners momentarily happy. This momentary happiness, however potent, is not long-lasting, and thus it is important to have a healthy mix of good behavior and good gestures in a relationship. Suppose I were to oversimplify the key to a happy partner and resultant happy relationship. In that case, I’d say take an interest in each other’s interests while avoiding turning everything into a two-person activity, and you’ll be just fine.read more
We often find ourselves putting off tasks that need our attention to the very last minute. It is rarely a result of laziness, but people, ourselves included, have a hard time understanding. You want to do the job, and you know that it is required of you, but you find yourself unable to focus, so you defer it. Procrastination is often the sign of something deeper.
Considering the current situation in the world, people have found themselves getting more and more aware of the mental hurdles that students and workers have faced for ages. Procrastination is often the result of being burnt out or exhausted; sometimes, it can also result from a lack of confidence in your abilities.
I think that it helps to approach procrastination with a well planned and kind approach. Understand why you’re demotivated and procrastinating, then make a plan to combat it. A pro tip in the matter would be to focus less on the result and more on your effort. Shifting the focus from the result can help you combat any undue anxiety/stress you may have, related to the job at hand.
Secondly, set achievable goals for yourself. If you have 15000 words to write, then start by setting the goal to make notes to build your writing on. By setting achievable goals, you allow for your mind to get used to the feeling of fulfilling a task. Once you’re able to enter that mindset, it will enable you to set bigger goals and thus complete your work.
The next thing to think about in the matter of procrastination is planning. The previous points may help you not procrastinate now, but you have to make long-term changes to see long-lasting results. You must start planning things so as to allow yourself the time to complete all your tasks comfortably. Try to map out your day in advance; this does not mean that you should mark every second of every day. Mapping out your day just refers to jotting down the main tasks you need to complete on that particular day. You can choose to do a little bit of a lot of tasks in a day or the entirety of one or two tasks a day. Either way, this approach will allow you to be mentally prepared for your work and will thus help you avoid procrastination.
It is almost like tricking your brain into wanting to work, but you’ve got to do whatever it takes to get things done.
Moving on to the point of self-confidence, we must address the fact that people often avoid tasks because they’re scared of failure. It is essential to understand that victories and failures are part and parcel of life. It is impossible to have one and not the other. The hustle culture often tells people that they need to work to the point of exhaustion every single day, and all their days should be full of success and nothing else. The truth is that for every victory, there have been that many, if not more, failures that have paved the way. Real-life is not all flowers and rainbows, and that is not something to lament about; this just gives us all the more reason to forgive our own mistakes and move on. The less you worry about failure, the more you’ll be able to work; this ties in with the idea of focusing on your efforts rather than the results.
The tips mentioned here will certainly aid in avoiding procrastination, but it is not a sure-shot way to efficiency. Sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you don’t, but the point is always to try. If you still find yourself procrastinating, then it may point to a different problem. It may be because you’re not interested in your tasks. If you often find yourself dreading your job, then it may be time for re-evaluation. On re-evaluation, if you find that you’re not interested in your work, then it may be time for a change. If you find that you are interested in your job yet find yourself falling short of your capability, then it is worth a shot to try counseling. A surprisingly large number of individuals suffer from physical and mental ailments that do not allow them to function to their full potential. It may be a manifestation of poor physical health, poor nutrition, or poor mental health. If you feel like procrastination and demotivation are new to you, re-evaluate your lifestyle and make changes to promote better output.
The conclusion is that procrastination is normal and not a good enough reason to beat yourself down. Don’t get comfortable in this zone and make an effort to return to your work. Understand that you are human and cannot always work at the same frequency and adjust according to your present situation. Know that doing a little bit of a task is better than doing none of it and go from there. Take small steps in the direction of productivity because sometimes the smallest step in the right direction becomes the biggest step towards changing your life.read more
Making The Best Of An Imperfect Situation
We get it: plenty of you are not happy with your jobs: with the duties, the salaries, the hours, your coworkers, your bosses, or maybe all of those. Jobs that bring little satisfaction can be draining and demoralizing, but often folks have to keep at them because they bring home a much needed pay check.
Still, there are tactics you can employ to feel better about your employment situation. These strategies help you cope, get through your day and feel less stressed by the end of it. Give one — or all — of them a try, and we guarantee that, while you may never love your job, you will deal with it a whole lot better.
1) Take pride in your work environment, and your appearance. You can’t control the office decor, perhaps, but you can control the way you and your work space look. Make sure your desk is clean, tidy and well organized, and that you are, too! Even if your job demands that you wear a uniform, it’s important to keep it clean and pressed so you feel good about how you present yourself to the world. If you can wear “street clothes” to work, choose the proper attire; a suit, if need be, or a pair of dress slacks and an unfussy jacket and blouse. Nothing says “professional” like the right clothing, and even if you hate your job, you don’t want your outfit to telegraph that to outsiders, and certainly not to your coworkers and bosses.
2) Love your off hours activities: The last thing you should do at the end of your work day is an activity you don’t absolutely love. Of course, we all have chores that need dealing with — grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. — but when it comes to your leisure time, choose wisely. Do something physical, if you can, like hiking or yoga or cycling, because that will rev up your endorphins and improve your mood. Exercise gets rid of stress, and helps put you in the right frame of mind for the following work day. Exercising before work is even better, as you’re upbeat the minute you get to work, but we realize that’s not possible for everyone. The important thing here is finding something you really enjoy and sticking with it, at least three times a week.
3) Make the most of family and friends time. Don’t just gather in front of the television and computer screens after supper — gather in a family or living room and talk. Bring in the kids and your spouse, and dedicate at least an hour to family time. Staying current by really talking helps you remember why it is you’re doing this job you hate — because your family needs you, and the all important income you earn. Bringing friends into that helps too, and when social distancing policies relax around the globe eventually, you can get back to having those get-togethers with people you care about.
4) Your job isn’t all that defines you. Life is made up of many aspects, and your job is only a fraction of it. Who are you, really? A mother, a sister, an aunt, a grandmother…. you define yourself in many ways apart from your job title. It’s important to note that your job is a means to an end, a way of supporting yourself while, perhaps, you write that novel or launch a side business. Write down what matters to you most, and we bet your job comes far down the list.
There are other strategies you can use, like taking a new employee under your wing and showing them the ropes, which is satisfying and might even bring rewards when your boss notices the initiative you’ve taken. If you’re truly unhappy, start applying for jobs elsewhere. Just be sure your lack of enjoyment at work doesn’t show, or you’ll never get the reference and positive feedback you need your boss to pass along to a potential new employer. No matter how much you hate your job, find something about it that is positive, and focus on that. Then sooner, rather than later, move on to a more satisfying position, because life is too short to spend it being miserable at work.read more
Life is a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes you are up while at other times you are down and on occasion, you can feel so low, you do not see a way out of the situation. When you stop believing in yourself, it can be difficult to bounce back. However, it is essential that you find a way to bounce back and believe in yourself once more. Depression can take hold of you before you even realize it is happening, so here are some ways you can get back on track when you stop believing in yourself.
Take a Break from Social Media
Social media is a great way to connect with old friends and make new ones, but there is a darker side to social media sites that rarely receive adequate attention. We scroll through social media absentmindedly at times and what we see is a lot of posts about our friends going on amazing trips, meeting cool people, and overall having a better life than we think we have. Comparisons begin to form in our minds and we can begin to doubt ourselves and what we are capable of.
We often neglect to remember that social media posts are only a small fraction of the other person’s life. They only post what they want others to see and sometimes, even the most convincing posts can turn out to be a complete fallacy. Take it all in with a grain of salt and if it becomes too much for you, you always have the option of taking a break from it all. Taking a break from social media is among the healthiest things you can do for your mental health. You will focus more on your life and your accomplishments instead of focusing on others who may or may not be giving out the whole truth.
Make Peace with Yourself
When we are young, we often have an idealized view of what our life is going to be. Unfortunately, life often has different plans. You may not have the smoking hot spouse or that amazing job that brings in piles of money and it is perfectly fine that you do not. Everyone has their own journey to take in life. Some of us are meant to be superstars while others are meant to be the supporting cast. Without everyone involved from the lighting specialist to the set designer, the show cannot go on, so even if your life is not ideal, you have a place in this world.
It is time to make peace with your life. Bumps in the road happen and sometimes, you are completely derailed from your chosen path. It all has a purpose and is what makes you who you are. Accept your current situation as it is and if you truly want to change something in your life, go after it. Make small changes in your life to help change the entire situation and remember, as long as you are living your life to the best of your ability, you are not failing.
Trust Yourself Again
With a continual barrage of negativity, it is easy to begin to distrust your abilities. Self-doubt is a common problem, but one that is easy to contend with if you try. Failure is a part of life and just because you fail at something the first time, does not mean you should give up. Find what strengths you have and invest in those. Every single person on the planet has something that they can contribute to their society or individual household. Find it, do it, and have confidence in what you are doing. You might fail, but that is ok. On the other side of the coin, you could succeed, so look on the positive side instead of the negative.
Fear is a Liar
Fear is a funny thing. It is merely a depiction of what could happen but has not happened yet. It essentially does not exist but is something that we all contend with. Fear is a liar and you must keep that in mind when you are working to achieve goals. Fear can be used in a positive way to drive you to do greater things. Use your fear to drive you to the positive instead of allowing it to cripple you.
You are not done with life. You are not failing. You can do anything you set your mind to that you are willing to work for. Hold these truths in your mind when working toward a goal. We all have an important place in the world and we all, as individuals, make up the great entity known as humanity. Even those that seem to have it all together can experience levels of self-doubt. Push those feelings aside and strive for greater things. Your life is important and where you are right now, does not have to be where you are in the very near future.read more
How To Heal When You’ve Hit Rock Bottom:
Strategies For Recovery & Moving Forward
Hitting rock bottom usually means that life has dealt you blows in a lot of ways simultaneously. Your business isn’t doing well; your spouse has left, and a loved one — perhaps a parent — died recently. It takes all your emotional resources, often, to cope with even one of those major life events, but when they hit at or around the same time, it feels like you’ve gone to the well once too often, and now it’s dry. Hitting rock bottom feels like you will never recover, never see the sunshine, metaphorically, ever again.You will, even though it seems impossible right now. We have some suggestions for how to heal, pick up the pieces and start moving forward. Try these and you’ll find that, inch by inch, moment by moment, you’ll start feeling better and see good times just over the horizon.
1) Let yourself feel, or you can’t begin to heal. If you try to deny how dreadful you feel, or how big a loss you’ve experienced, you can’t begin to recover. Spend some time alone and take real stock of what’s happened — and why — and what you might have done differently in those moments. Notice we say differently, not better, because this is not the time for self-recrimination and blame. Be honest about your role in, for example, marital breakdown, but blaming yourself constantly is not going to help. You need to recognize your part, and then come up with ways you can avoid making the same mistakes again.
2) Press pause on life for a moment. This is part of taking the time to really examine what’s happened and how deeply hurt and upset you are because of it. If you keep up a hectic schedule that allows no time for reflection, rock bottom will go on indefinitely because you will remain emotionally bruised even when you’re out rushing around being busy.
3) Channel your energy into a creative endeavor. It’s amazing just how restorative the arts can be when you’re depressed. Take up painting, or pound some clay and make a sculpture or take up the piano or guitar. These activities get you out of your own head and refocus your attention elsewhere, and eventually, the sense of accomplishment that comes with, say, knowing how to strum your favorite song is exhilarating. You don’t have to become great at it — this is a way for you to heal the hurt in your soul, not a way for you to become a professional performer. To quote William Shakespeare, “music soothes the savage breast,” and he knew what he was talking about.
4) Get outside and explore nature. Like taking up an art form, going outside is a great way to get out of your own head. Taking long walks, going for a run or even just exploring a local park is a terrific way to expend pent up energy and restore a feeling of calm. There is a reason doctors recommend regular exercise to depressed people — it helps!
5) Talk to people who believe in you. It’s easy to be your harshest critic, so call up someone who thinks highly of you, someone you are comfortable confiding in, and tell them how you’re feeling. Chances are, they will do their best to console you, and may offer insights and experiences that can help you cope. Perhaps they’ve experienced a job loss or a marriage breakup, and have come through the other side of it healthy and whole. Don’t be afraid to be honest about how badly you feel; human connection and consolation is one of the best, most fundamental tools of recovery you have at your disposal. If you are truly feeling hopeless and that feeling persists, consider talking with a therapist. But following these guidelines can go a long way toward healing your sense of gloom, and begin lifting you out of rock bottom, and get you on your way to a better, brighter, and more productive day.
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Stress is an inevitable fact in life, but when that stress is coupled with severe anxiety, it can be almost too much to take. A lot of our daily stresses and anxieties can be linked to our routines. People with specific routines can feel more or less stress and here are some effective routines that you can use to reduce stress and anxiety in your own life to help you get more out of living without increasing stressful situations.
Exercise Will Almost Certainly Help
Sometimes, it is necessary to shake up your usual routine to include something new. Exercise is often neglected in our daily lives. It is a common misconception that simply walking around at your job or during your daily schedule is enough to get adequate exercise. Your usual routine likely does not provide adequate exercise for what your body needs and adding in a little exercise each day will help you reduce stress and anxiety. Exercise is a natural way to release endorphins that promote that good feeling we crave. Exercise increases the human libido as well, so when you exercise, your body will crave more physical pleasures and sex is a great way to reduce and relieve stress as well, at least for a short while.
Emphasize How You Breathe
Breathing is natural but is often neglected in our daily life. Generally, it is thought that as long as you are breathing, things are ok, but breathing correctly can have a vastly positive effect on your well-being. Breathing brings oxygen into the brain and throughout the body. Normal breathing can sometimes become shallow and ill-effective but making an effort to take deeper breaths at certain times can help your mind work better. When you begin to feel stressed or that anxiety is creeping up on you, take 10 very deep breaths. It will open up your mind a little more, so you can think your way through problems better. Doing this on a daily basis will allow you to refocus attention and help relieve more anxiety and stress.
A Morning Routine That Works
My parents have been married for well over 40 years. Their lives have not been perfect by any means, but one thing they have always emphasized is getting up early and spending quality time together before heading out for their day. They start each morning at 4 am. Mom brews coffee, they sit together at the table and talk, both do their bible studies during the morning. Now 4 am might seem way too early for most people, but it is what has worked for my parents at least.
It is very important that you find what time works best for you in the morning. Some people can get up early with no problem, while others prefer to sleep as late as possible. The problem with giving yourself just enough time to get out of the house and begin your day, is that you always feel like you are rushing around throughout the day. Getting up, even 15 minutes early, sitting down and having time for yourself or your partner will start your day off right. It gives you time to focus your attention on what is to be done during your busy day while providing quality time with the one you love. It is a win win, so find a time that works for you and stick to it.
Turn Off Technology
Technology is everywhere these days. From the moment we rise in the morning, we use technology in our kitchen preparing breakfast, with our children preparing them for school, in our cars on the way to work, and even at work. When we arrive home after work, we use technology to relax and basically veg out. However, too much technology can be a bad thing and even if you think you are using your devices to relax, you are being trapped by them.
The human mind is a remarkable supercomputer that takes in information like a sponge. We absorb information throughout the day without giving our brain a break from glowing screens, pictures and videos of friends, and so much more. At night, these images can even impact our sleeping patterns bringing on even more anxiety and stress throughout the day. The key here is not to completely absolve yourself of technology, but to provide your body with a break at night at least one hour before bed. Read a book or have a conversation with your family. Turn off the devices for an hour before bed and you will find a more restful night sleep with a renewed self in the morning.
Stress and anxiety are going to happen from time to time, but reducing the amount of stress you have to endure will lead to a higher quality of life. Take control of your mornings, exercise routine, and sleep routines, and enjoy life more without foreboding stress and anxiety looming over your existence.read more
That eternal conundrum. Will I ever find my soulmate? The right life partner for one person is not necessarily compatible with someone else because we are all such singular individuals. Human adults all express that urge to search for a suitable partner, it is a biological imperative, but because we are such complex creatures it can be hard to find the right one.
It would seem logical that in a busy cosmopolitan society where we spend almost all day in an environment saturated with members of the opposite sex, many of whom are also looking for a partner, that settling on a mate would be relatively easy. Well, it would be if we weren’t all so picky.
After all, settling on a life partner is a big investment. There is a lot at stake so it’s not something to rush into. There are sacrifices and economic consequences arising when two people pool their lives and begin to share a future. Then we may have to weigh up (consciously or subconsciously) the suitability of the other person as a potential parent. Do they have the right genes to pass on? Will they be a good provider? Will they be a loving parent and a good role model for the consequent offspring?
So, what constitutes a soulmate? Ideally, this is a person who is suited to you in temperament and generally has the same worldly outlook and beliefs. Similar attitudes, similar values and similar ideologies are powerful factors that can dictate your suitability for each other and the promise of a positive, harmonious and synergistic future together. If two people experience a soul connection when they meet, they experience an easy connection immediately. They just know.
So, what are some of the signs that you have met the right one for you?You bond immediately over so many things
You have an intense feeling that this bond is ‘right’
There is mutual respect
You have the same values and moral stances
You can just be yourself
You’re totally comfortable in their presence, no need for pretense or best behavior
You have similar goals or vision for the future
You don’t have an urge to ‘change’ them
You accept their funny little habits
When the first flush of passion fades, deep down, you are best friends
Of course, all relationships need working on, nurturing, lest they grow stale over time but soul mates don’t lose sight of that. They regularly reconfirm their bond as the relationship matures. There may be differences in your goals, maybe academically or in career choices, but soul mates support their partner, challenge them to aspire further, and celebrate the wins.
So, how do you find the right partner? First, it is important to understand basically what characteristics you are looking for. Then you have to put yourself out there, open to making connections. Perhaps on a match-making site, or at your place of work. An excellent way to meet people who like the same kind of things you do and who have a similar vision is to join social groups, like a sporting club, a conservation movement or a hobby group with plenty of avid members. Join a choir or drama group, start volunteering to help disadvantaged people, join a bible group or a political movement. Actively follow whatever is your passion, or explore new interests, and you will meet like-minded people there.
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No matter who you are or how long you have been employed, you have likely had to contend with at least one toxic coworker. These are the people that seem to drain the very life out of you on-site or those that use contention in the office as a way to fuel their own sick desire for turmoil. The more positivity you bring to the room, the more negative comments you may receive from a toxic coworker, but there are not always clear signs this person is one to be avoided, and once identified, how do you actually set boundaries? Here are 3 ways to identify those employees and set the healthy boundaries your mental health requires.
We have all had our relationship with gossip. It is fun, in the beginning, but gossip is one of the easiest ways to ruin a reputation or completely tear down another coworker. There is really no such thing as healthy gossip. It is all generally a bad idea. Look around your work place. Do you notice one or more people that seem to know more gossip about everyone, but lacks actual knowledge of anything else? This person is the gossip and should be avoided whenever possible.
A gossip will, at first spread supposed factual information to get everyone hooked on their stories. Then they will begin to embellish certain details until the facts fade away into outright lies. Make no mistake about it, if they are talking about everyone else in the office to you, they are talking about you to everyone else.
It is very unlikely you will completely shut down the gossip altogether, but ways to avoid that person and set healthy boundaries is to let them know you do not want to hear the gossip. Every time they start up with a new rumor, simply excuse yourself from the conversation or ask if they have spoken to the manager or higher ups about what is going on. You can also use phrases such as, “This sounds like nothing more than a rumor.” That lets the gossiper know you are on to them and they are more likely to avoid you without you having to do too much to avoid them
Major Victim Syndrome
Playing the victim is a way many people get attention. Nothing is ever their fault and they are always wronged in some manner. These people will talk negatively about their work environment, bosses, and other employees. If an issue arises, they will always attempt to cast blame on another person without ever taking responsibility for their own actions. When a coworker plays the victim, they seem to have an inability to say, “Oops, my mistake.” The phrase, “Well, (insert name) told me to do it,” is very common. They will essentially, throw everyone else under the bus just to avoid someone knowing they made a mistake. Often, these people will blame new employees for their mistakes.
Avoiding the victim is not easy. They will always be there and as incidents arise, tell HR about the facts you see. Ensure they are actual facts and not rumors or gossip and have clear examples of their behavior. The other part of contending with this employee will have to come from within. Practice meditation to help you deal with situations with a clearer mind and surround yourself with those you feel comfortable with at work. Avoid this individual whenever possible and never take the blame for what they have done.
The Passive Aggressive Coworker
Passive aggressive people are difficult to deal with, but we see them in both our professional environment, as well as our personal lives. These people seem to thrive on making others look bad and pointing out flaws of coworkers. They also do it in a way that is underhanded and sneaky. Passive aggressive coworkers blame others, reject feedback, never look at another’s perspective on anything, make excuses, have an obviously cynical personality, and can have a seniority complex. They exhibit sarcasm and disguise insults within conversation. These people are also known to use the silent treatment to deal with situations.
In order to contend with the passive aggressive coworker, you must create a cocoon of positivity around yourself. A passive aggressive person thrives off the reaction of their victims and when you are continually positive, the toxic party will lose steam and often leave you alone. Look for the positive in every situation and be sure to point it out to that person. Motivate yourself with past accomplishments and even write yourself positive notes to reflect on throughout the day.
No work environment is completely devoid of negativity, but limiting a negative person’s hold on you is the first step in overcoming a toxic coworker. Positivity has a unique effect on a negative person. Where they may think they have power, a positive word in a toxic person’s direction can diffuse them without them even knowing it. Keep things positive and light at work and never allow another person to have a negative hold on you. Toxicity can be extinguished with positive thinking and conscientious actions.read more
Life is stressful. There is no mistaking this fact. If it were not enough to be stressed about everyday life, work, children, social engagements, and other factors of our existence, we now must contend with COVID-19 and the additional stresses that it brings on. The world around you is getting more and more stressful and now is the time to take things into your own hands and find ways to make your individual life less stressful and less anxiety filled while increasing your own wellbeing. If you are struggling to make it all happen, here are some ways you can do it.
Maybe this was not exactly the word you were hoping to see in this article, but exercise is an amazing stress reliever. Getting regular exercise for at least 30 minutes 3 times per week has proven to lower stress hormones in our body while allowing for more restful sleep, and improving self confidence. Exercise offers a trifecta of what your body, mind, and even your soul needs to get more out of life. It can be difficult to start exercising, but if you can manage to walk some every day, find a workout routine online you enjoy, or even get involved with a local gym, you will see your entire life begin to improve while stress begins to melt away.
Limit Exposure to News
The news is meant to inform and some news avenues seem to do a great job at providing the news we need to remain informed, but too much information, in this instance, can have a negative effect. When you are overexposed to everything that is going on in the world, you can become stressed at your inability to control things. We have all seen stories on disasters while watching helplessly from our homes. It can be heartbreaking and knowing that these things can happen at any moment can bring on anxiety and stress you really do not need. Remain informed, but set limits on how much news you take in.
Limit Caffeine Intake
We all like a little jolt of caffeine every so often, but again, too much can be a bad thing. Caffeine has been proven to intensify anxiety symptoms and cause your heart to pump faster. Where this action is fine on occasion, too much caffeine can cause your body to simply overwork. Overworking your organs for too long can have a very negative effect on your overall health leading to even more anxiety and stress. Limit your caffeine intake and see how much better you feel overall.
Write Things Down
Anxiety and stress come in many forms and too much of it can weigh heavily on our ability to live a quality life. A great tactic to help is to write things down. No matter how old or young you are, stresses of daily life can cause you to forget to buy things from the store, appointments, or a myriad of other things you need to get done. Take some time each morning and write it all down. Writing out a schedule for yourself takes a few moments out of your day, but it helps tremendously to know you do not have to keep it all in your head. Additionally, journaling at the end of your day can help you unload your mind before heading to bed. Your mind can empty out leading to a more restful night of sleep.
Enjoy Time with Friends
Finding times to enjoy with friends can be a chore. Especially during these confusing times where social events are drastically reduced or cancelled, but it is important to find time with those you enjoy spending time with. Even though you may not be able to go out to eat in a larger group like you once did, try doing something outdoors. Pack a lunch and head out for a hike with a few friends or start a daily outdoor walk with a few people. The possibilities are not as limited as they might seem. Even if you cannot physically go out and do things, you can spend time in your own home interacting with friends online or try having a movie night with friends with the help of technology. Many streaming services offer watch party options that can help bring people closer together.
Stress and anxiety can happen at any time and to any person, but reducing those stresses and things that bring on anxiety will help your overall wellbeing. There is no one way to completely eliminate stress, but there are many ways to help reduce it. Getting involved with friends for activities, exercise, and turning off the news a little more can have drastic positive effects on your overall life. You are in control over your life and the stresses within, so take them on and work to reduce them one by one. You can do it!read more