Love is all-encompassing and omnipresent, it is omnipotent and eternal, but is it enough? Love is all you need, but is it all you’ll ever want? Love overcomes all but can humans do the same?
Cynical as those questions sound, they are actual thoughts that people have as they fall in and out of love. They are valid questions, however brash and upsetting they may sound.
We often look at love as a panacea but love is only the first step of the way to a relationship. The new romantics may think this thought absurd. They may argue that love is all there is to a relationship and a lot of people will agree. Surely love can’t just be an elective in the school of relationships? The seasoned players of the game of romance however will tell you that love truly is the last thing that matters when relationships end. You could truly love someone and not stand to be around them and you could not love someone at all and still stay with them for a lifetime. Everything beautiful about a relationship can fade over time and while the thought of this is incredibly scary, it is not at all outlandish. Life keeps flowing around you as you fall in love and slowly you settle into a routine. There are people who naturally maintain a balance between their work and their personal lives and there are others that don’t. It is often people that fall in the latter category that find their relationships losing their sparkle.
We sometimes become so comfortable with our partners that we forget to do the things that we once did to make them feel special. As the spark dulls in the relationship, problems arise and sometimes people end up separating as a consequence. The good thing in all of this is that this is not the only possible ending in this situation. Just because you’ve fallen into a routine doesn’t necessarily have to mean that your relationship has to lose its spark.
The very first thing to understand about relationships is the need for consistency. You cannot bring a certain energy to a relationship in the beginning and then slowly let the energies fade away as you become sure of your partner’s connection with you. Your partner has fallen in love with the person you are in the first few blissful days/weeks of the relationship, changing that once they’ve made a commitment to you will certainly lead to problems in the long run. There should be consistency in your efforts. The relationship may not always have the jitters and excitement of a first date but it should always have love and adoration.
There often comes a point in a relationship where couples might start to feel like they know everything about each other. There is a chance that this might be partially true. When you’ve spoken to someone so much and spend extended amounts of time with them, your lives start to merge. Your stories and experiences slowly merge till it becomes difficult to separate one from the other. Regardless of this merging of lives, people also continue to develop as individuals. It is important to keep track of this change. If you feel disconnected from your partner, then try and see if there is anything that has changed in their life. Have they picked up a new hobby/interest, is something new going on at work, are they simply feeling different for whatever reason? Ask these questions and take interest in your partner’s life. Everyone wants to be loved, appreciated, and seen in their entirety so make sure you’re keeping up with this evolution.
The emotional aspect of relationships is often rather complicated. It is difficult enough to take care of yourself and your mental health in today’s fast-paced world. It is even more difficult to keep track of the same with another person in the equation. Try and make sure you and your partner are emotionally and mentally healthy. Sometimes feeling disconnected from your partner may be a result of emotional pressure/ stress. Be mindful of the state your relationship is in emotionally and then see if it might be reasonable to seek external help. Try couples counseling if you and your partner aren’t sure how to approach and resolve the issue.
The stereotypical advice about bringing back the spark in a relationship may focus on acts of service or presents to make your partner re-engage in the relationship, but the reality is far from it. While it is important to do nice things for your partner, it is not the cure-all. You absolutely should plan activities with your partner, get them a gift if you want to, and give them physical affection. However, these are things that people in healthy relationships normally do, so if you have reached a point where it isn’t coming naturally then it may be time to re-evaluate. Why aren’t you and your partner finding time for activities together? Is there a way to spend time together that can fit in with your schedules? If so, go ahead and do it. Not every date needs to be a high-effort event. Sometimes spending quality time with your partner can be as simple as staying in bed a little longer and talking to each other. You could make a nice little activity out of cooking a meal or doing the dishes. You could play some music and dance in the living room, go for a picnic or just take walks around the park. The possibilities are endless.
The relationship ultimately comes down to whether or not you enjoy the time spent with your partner. With the right person, anything could be interesting. You could just be sitting in a room together working on your own and it would still be a good experience. Anything is possible if two people are in love and willing to make things work. Ask yourself why you feel the lack of a spark in your relationship and then go from there. If there is love, you and your partner will surely find a way.