If you are having suicidal thoughts, your situation may feel overwhelming, with no end in sight. It is important to realize that you are not alone, many others have felt similar pain and the same desperation. Yet, there are ways to deal with suicidal feelings and there are people who want to help.
There are well-trodden paths to lead you out of the depths of your despair and on, to new possibilities and a brighter future. So, reach out to people who have been where you are now and have found their way past the pain and the hopelessness. You don’t need to suffer all alone, in silence.
With the right support, and given time, you can overcome your problems and leave the pain and suicidal thoughts behind. Think of the people who care about you, and how you could make a difference to someone else. Think of good times in your past where life was worth living. Unleash the inner courage we all have inside us and get yourself back to those good times.
To find your strength to face life again, embrace these thoughts:
How you feel now will definitely change as time passes, give it a chance
What you are experiencing now could change tomorrow or next week
If you leave us, your friends and loved ones would suffer unnecessary grief and loss
There are so many wonderful experiences you will miss, that you deserve
There is so much you could achieve as your life matures
You have so much to give to others less fortunate than you
There are many reasons why people suffer deep emotional pain which can lead to thoughts of suicide. It can be hard to see real solutions to your problems, and you may resist connecting with people who can help. Like other people who have been there too, you can recover and move on. Don’t be afraid to seek help through therapy, medication and support, to improve your situation and don’t give up before you’ve found the solution that suits you best.
To overcome suicidal thoughts and feelings, follow these steps:
Make a firm resolve to wait a little longer before doing anything drastic
Don’t make things worse by turning to alcohol or drugs. Your thoughts may take on exaggerated proportions and your problems seem much larger than they really are
Get rid of anything that could do you harm, like weapons or medications, or go somewhere safe where these types of things are not easily accessible or in plain view
Seek help. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you care about or talk to someone you trust like a doctor or clergy, or teacher or coach.
People do survive such awful feelings of despair or depression, so there is plenty of hope for you, too. Give it time and don’t keep your problems to yourself, seek help and support.
Talking about your suicidal thoughts and your difficulty coping can be hard to do. But just decide to set aside your embarrassment or feelings of guilt and talk to someone who will truly listen and won’t judge you.
Tell them you are having thoughts of suicide and explain why you have come to this desperate state of mind. You could even jot it down in notes if you find talking too difficult at first. If your friends aren’t nearby, you could call a crisis helpline for immediate help.
While you may be feeling suicidal at the present, this isn’t permanent, you will feel better again over time. Give yourself the gift of life by working through your despair and chipping away at it until you see the brighter future that is just waiting for you to grasp it. Be sure to:
Talk to someone you trust, or a crisis helpline, every day.
Avoid isolation. Spend time with people you like and who care about you, as often as possible. This is reconnecting with the everyday world.
Draw up a safety plan, devise positive steps to take when things get really desperate; who to call; reassuring actions that will divert your anxiety.
Don’t do sad things, go for a walk instead and take in the beauty of a sunny day and the wonder of nature
Stick to a regular exercise routine or workout, which will help make you feel good and stimulate positive thoughts
Find the little things that bring you pleasure and joy, and embrace these things
Develop personal goals with little, achievable steps that will get you there as you persevere. Write down your goals and work out what action needs to be taken to achieve them. This will give you something concrete and positive to focus on, looking ahead to better times.
Take on a new hobby, sport or interest. Join a church choir or do some community volunteering which will make you feel good while at the same time helping others less fortunate than you.
The healing process will help you deal with stress and anxiety, and overcome your feelings of despair and suicidal thoughts. Focus on the good things in life, your new interests, your renewed faith in your ability to cope. Keep building your support network and surround yourself with positive people and worthwhile activities to help keep you on track and on the road to recovery.read more
Life is a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes you are up while at other times you are down and on occasion, you can feel so low, you do not see a way out of the situation. When you stop believing in yourself, it can be difficult to bounce back. However, it is essential that you find a way to bounce back and believe in yourself once more. Depression can take hold of you before you even realize it is happening, so here are some ways you can get back on track when you stop believing in yourself.
Take a Break from Social Media
Social media is a great way to connect with old friends and make new ones, but there is a darker side to social media sites that rarely receive adequate attention. We scroll through social media absentmindedly at times and what we see is a lot of posts about our friends going on amazing trips, meeting cool people, and overall having a better life than we think we have. Comparisons begin to form in our minds and we can begin to doubt ourselves and what we are capable of.
We often neglect to remember that social media posts are only a small fraction of the other person’s life. They only post what they want others to see and sometimes, even the most convincing posts can turn out to be a complete fallacy. Take it all in with a grain of salt and if it becomes too much for you, you always have the option of taking a break from it all. Taking a break from social media is among the healthiest things you can do for your mental health. You will focus more on your life and your accomplishments instead of focusing on others who may or may not be giving out the whole truth.
Make Peace with Yourself
When we are young, we often have an idealized view of what our life is going to be. Unfortunately, life often has different plans. You may not have the smoking hot spouse or that amazing job that brings in piles of money and it is perfectly fine that you do not. Everyone has their own journey to take in life. Some of us are meant to be superstars while others are meant to be the supporting cast. Without everyone involved from the lighting specialist to the set designer, the show cannot go on, so even if your life is not ideal, you have a place in this world.
It is time to make peace with your life. Bumps in the road happen and sometimes, you are completely derailed from your chosen path. It all has a purpose and is what makes you who you are. Accept your current situation as it is and if you truly want to change something in your life, go after it. Make small changes in your life to help change the entire situation and remember, as long as you are living your life to the best of your ability, you are not failing.
Trust Yourself Again
With a continual barrage of negativity, it is easy to begin to distrust your abilities. Self-doubt is a common problem, but one that is easy to contend with if you try. Failure is a part of life and just because you fail at something the first time, does not mean you should give up. Find what strengths you have and invest in those. Every single person on the planet has something that they can contribute to their society or individual household. Find it, do it, and have confidence in what you are doing. You might fail, but that is ok. On the other side of the coin, you could succeed, so look on the positive side instead of the negative.
Fear is a Liar
Fear is a funny thing. It is merely a depiction of what could happen but has not happened yet. It essentially does not exist but is something that we all contend with. Fear is a liar and you must keep that in mind when you are working to achieve goals. Fear can be used in a positive way to drive you to do greater things. Use your fear to drive you to the positive instead of allowing it to cripple you.
You are not done with life. You are not failing. You can do anything you set your mind to that you are willing to work for. Hold these truths in your mind when working toward a goal. We all have an important place in the world and we all, as individuals, make up the great entity known as humanity. Even those that seem to have it all together can experience levels of self-doubt. Push those feelings aside and strive for greater things. Your life is important and where you are right now, does not have to be where you are in the very near future.read more
How To Heal When You’ve Hit Rock Bottom:
Strategies For Recovery & Moving Forward
Hitting rock bottom usually means that life has dealt you blows in a lot of ways simultaneously. Your business isn’t doing well; your spouse has left, and a loved one — perhaps a parent — died recently. It takes all your emotional resources, often, to cope with even one of those major life events, but when they hit at or around the same time, it feels like you’ve gone to the well once too often, and now it’s dry. Hitting rock bottom feels like you will never recover, never see the sunshine, metaphorically, ever again.You will, even though it seems impossible right now. We have some suggestions for how to heal, pick up the pieces and start moving forward. Try these and you’ll find that, inch by inch, moment by moment, you’ll start feeling better and see good times just over the horizon.
1) Let yourself feel, or you can’t begin to heal. If you try to deny how dreadful you feel, or how big a loss you’ve experienced, you can’t begin to recover. Spend some time alone and take real stock of what’s happened — and why — and what you might have done differently in those moments. Notice we say differently, not better, because this is not the time for self-recrimination and blame. Be honest about your role in, for example, marital breakdown, but blaming yourself constantly is not going to help. You need to recognize your part, and then come up with ways you can avoid making the same mistakes again.
2) Press pause on life for a moment. This is part of taking the time to really examine what’s happened and how deeply hurt and upset you are because of it. If you keep up a hectic schedule that allows no time for reflection, rock bottom will go on indefinitely because you will remain emotionally bruised even when you’re out rushing around being busy.
3) Channel your energy into a creative endeavor. It’s amazing just how restorative the arts can be when you’re depressed. Take up painting, or pound some clay and make a sculpture or take up the piano or guitar. These activities get you out of your own head and refocus your attention elsewhere, and eventually, the sense of accomplishment that comes with, say, knowing how to strum your favorite song is exhilarating. You don’t have to become great at it — this is a way for you to heal the hurt in your soul, not a way for you to become a professional performer. To quote William Shakespeare, “music soothes the savage breast,” and he knew what he was talking about.
4) Get outside and explore nature. Like taking up an art form, going outside is a great way to get out of your own head. Taking long walks, going for a run or even just exploring a local park is a terrific way to expend pent up energy and restore a feeling of calm. There is a reason doctors recommend regular exercise to depressed people — it helps!
5) Talk to people who believe in you. It’s easy to be your harshest critic, so call up someone who thinks highly of you, someone you are comfortable confiding in, and tell them how you’re feeling. Chances are, they will do their best to console you, and may offer insights and experiences that can help you cope. Perhaps they’ve experienced a job loss or a marriage breakup, and have come through the other side of it healthy and whole. Don’t be afraid to be honest about how badly you feel; human connection and consolation is one of the best, most fundamental tools of recovery you have at your disposal. If you are truly feeling hopeless and that feeling persists, consider talking with a therapist. But following these guidelines can go a long way toward healing your sense of gloom, and begin lifting you out of rock bottom, and get you on your way to a better, brighter, and more productive day.
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Stress is an inevitable fact in life, but when that stress is coupled with severe anxiety, it can be almost too much to take. A lot of our daily stresses and anxieties can be linked to our routines. People with specific routines can feel more or less stress and here are some effective routines that you can use to reduce stress and anxiety in your own life to help you get more out of living without increasing stressful situations.
Exercise Will Almost Certainly Help
Sometimes, it is necessary to shake up your usual routine to include something new. Exercise is often neglected in our daily lives. It is a common misconception that simply walking around at your job or during your daily schedule is enough to get adequate exercise. Your usual routine likely does not provide adequate exercise for what your body needs and adding in a little exercise each day will help you reduce stress and anxiety. Exercise is a natural way to release endorphins that promote that good feeling we crave. Exercise increases the human libido as well, so when you exercise, your body will crave more physical pleasures and sex is a great way to reduce and relieve stress as well, at least for a short while.
Emphasize How You Breathe
Breathing is natural but is often neglected in our daily life. Generally, it is thought that as long as you are breathing, things are ok, but breathing correctly can have a vastly positive effect on your well-being. Breathing brings oxygen into the brain and throughout the body. Normal breathing can sometimes become shallow and ill-effective but making an effort to take deeper breaths at certain times can help your mind work better. When you begin to feel stressed or that anxiety is creeping up on you, take 10 very deep breaths. It will open up your mind a little more, so you can think your way through problems better. Doing this on a daily basis will allow you to refocus attention and help relieve more anxiety and stress.
A Morning Routine That Works
My parents have been married for well over 40 years. Their lives have not been perfect by any means, but one thing they have always emphasized is getting up early and spending quality time together before heading out for their day. They start each morning at 4 am. Mom brews coffee, they sit together at the table and talk, both do their bible studies during the morning. Now 4 am might seem way too early for most people, but it is what has worked for my parents at least.
It is very important that you find what time works best for you in the morning. Some people can get up early with no problem, while others prefer to sleep as late as possible. The problem with giving yourself just enough time to get out of the house and begin your day, is that you always feel like you are rushing around throughout the day. Getting up, even 15 minutes early, sitting down and having time for yourself or your partner will start your day off right. It gives you time to focus your attention on what is to be done during your busy day while providing quality time with the one you love. It is a win win, so find a time that works for you and stick to it.
Turn Off Technology
Technology is everywhere these days. From the moment we rise in the morning, we use technology in our kitchen preparing breakfast, with our children preparing them for school, in our cars on the way to work, and even at work. When we arrive home after work, we use technology to relax and basically veg out. However, too much technology can be a bad thing and even if you think you are using your devices to relax, you are being trapped by them.
The human mind is a remarkable supercomputer that takes in information like a sponge. We absorb information throughout the day without giving our brain a break from glowing screens, pictures and videos of friends, and so much more. At night, these images can even impact our sleeping patterns bringing on even more anxiety and stress throughout the day. The key here is not to completely absolve yourself of technology, but to provide your body with a break at night at least one hour before bed. Read a book or have a conversation with your family. Turn off the devices for an hour before bed and you will find a more restful night sleep with a renewed self in the morning.
Stress and anxiety are going to happen from time to time, but reducing the amount of stress you have to endure will lead to a higher quality of life. Take control of your mornings, exercise routine, and sleep routines, and enjoy life more without foreboding stress and anxiety looming over your existence.read more
That eternal conundrum. Will I ever find my soulmate? The right life partner for one person is not necessarily compatible with someone else because we are all such singular individuals. Human adults all express that urge to search for a suitable partner, it is a biological imperative, but because we are such complex creatures it can be hard to find the right one.
It would seem logical that in a busy cosmopolitan society where we spend almost all day in an environment saturated with members of the opposite sex, many of whom are also looking for a partner, that settling on a mate would be relatively easy. Well, it would be if we weren’t all so picky.
After all, settling on a life partner is a big investment. There is a lot at stake so it’s not something to rush into. There are sacrifices and economic consequences arising when two people pool their lives and begin to share a future. Then we may have to weigh up (consciously or subconsciously) the suitability of the other person as a potential parent. Do they have the right genes to pass on? Will they be a good provider? Will they be a loving parent and a good role model for the consequent offspring?
So, what constitutes a soulmate? Ideally, this is a person who is suited to you in temperament and generally has the same worldly outlook and beliefs. Similar attitudes, similar values and similar ideologies are powerful factors that can dictate your suitability for each other and the promise of a positive, harmonious and synergistic future together. If two people experience a soul connection when they meet, they experience an easy connection immediately. They just know.
So, what are some of the signs that you have met the right one for you?You bond immediately over so many things
You have an intense feeling that this bond is ‘right’
There is mutual respect
You have the same values and moral stances
You can just be yourself
You’re totally comfortable in their presence, no need for pretense or best behavior
You have similar goals or vision for the future
You don’t have an urge to ‘change’ them
You accept their funny little habits
When the first flush of passion fades, deep down, you are best friends
Of course, all relationships need working on, nurturing, lest they grow stale over time but soul mates don’t lose sight of that. They regularly reconfirm their bond as the relationship matures. There may be differences in your goals, maybe academically or in career choices, but soul mates support their partner, challenge them to aspire further, and celebrate the wins.
So, how do you find the right partner? First, it is important to understand basically what characteristics you are looking for. Then you have to put yourself out there, open to making connections. Perhaps on a match-making site, or at your place of work. An excellent way to meet people who like the same kind of things you do and who have a similar vision is to join social groups, like a sporting club, a conservation movement or a hobby group with plenty of avid members. Join a choir or drama group, start volunteering to help disadvantaged people, join a bible group or a political movement. Actively follow whatever is your passion, or explore new interests, and you will meet like-minded people there.
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No matter who you are or how long you have been employed, you have likely had to contend with at least one toxic coworker. These are the people that seem to drain the very life out of you on-site or those that use contention in the office as a way to fuel their own sick desire for turmoil. The more positivity you bring to the room, the more negative comments you may receive from a toxic coworker, but there are not always clear signs this person is one to be avoided, and once identified, how do you actually set boundaries? Here are 3 ways to identify those employees and set the healthy boundaries your mental health requires.
We have all had our relationship with gossip. It is fun, in the beginning, but gossip is one of the easiest ways to ruin a reputation or completely tear down another coworker. There is really no such thing as healthy gossip. It is all generally a bad idea. Look around your work place. Do you notice one or more people that seem to know more gossip about everyone, but lacks actual knowledge of anything else? This person is the gossip and should be avoided whenever possible.
A gossip will, at first spread supposed factual information to get everyone hooked on their stories. Then they will begin to embellish certain details until the facts fade away into outright lies. Make no mistake about it, if they are talking about everyone else in the office to you, they are talking about you to everyone else.
It is very unlikely you will completely shut down the gossip altogether, but ways to avoid that person and set healthy boundaries is to let them know you do not want to hear the gossip. Every time they start up with a new rumor, simply excuse yourself from the conversation or ask if they have spoken to the manager or higher ups about what is going on. You can also use phrases such as, “This sounds like nothing more than a rumor.” That lets the gossiper know you are on to them and they are more likely to avoid you without you having to do too much to avoid them
Major Victim Syndrome
Playing the victim is a way many people get attention. Nothing is ever their fault and they are always wronged in some manner. These people will talk negatively about their work environment, bosses, and other employees. If an issue arises, they will always attempt to cast blame on another person without ever taking responsibility for their own actions. When a coworker plays the victim, they seem to have an inability to say, “Oops, my mistake.” The phrase, “Well, (insert name) told me to do it,” is very common. They will essentially, throw everyone else under the bus just to avoid someone knowing they made a mistake. Often, these people will blame new employees for their mistakes.
Avoiding the victim is not easy. They will always be there and as incidents arise, tell HR about the facts you see. Ensure they are actual facts and not rumors or gossip and have clear examples of their behavior. The other part of contending with this employee will have to come from within. Practice meditation to help you deal with situations with a clearer mind and surround yourself with those you feel comfortable with at work. Avoid this individual whenever possible and never take the blame for what they have done.
The Passive Aggressive Coworker
Passive aggressive people are difficult to deal with, but we see them in both our professional environment, as well as our personal lives. These people seem to thrive on making others look bad and pointing out flaws of coworkers. They also do it in a way that is underhanded and sneaky. Passive aggressive coworkers blame others, reject feedback, never look at another’s perspective on anything, make excuses, have an obviously cynical personality, and can have a seniority complex. They exhibit sarcasm and disguise insults within conversation. These people are also known to use the silent treatment to deal with situations.
In order to contend with the passive aggressive coworker, you must create a cocoon of positivity around yourself. A passive aggressive person thrives off the reaction of their victims and when you are continually positive, the toxic party will lose steam and often leave you alone. Look for the positive in every situation and be sure to point it out to that person. Motivate yourself with past accomplishments and even write yourself positive notes to reflect on throughout the day.
No work environment is completely devoid of negativity, but limiting a negative person’s hold on you is the first step in overcoming a toxic coworker. Positivity has a unique effect on a negative person. Where they may think they have power, a positive word in a toxic person’s direction can diffuse them without them even knowing it. Keep things positive and light at work and never allow another person to have a negative hold on you. Toxicity can be extinguished with positive thinking and conscientious actions.read more
Life is stressful. There is no mistaking this fact. If it were not enough to be stressed about everyday life, work, children, social engagements, and other factors of our existence, we now must contend with COVID-19 and the additional stresses that it brings on. The world around you is getting more and more stressful and now is the time to take things into your own hands and find ways to make your individual life less stressful and less anxiety filled while increasing your own wellbeing. If you are struggling to make it all happen, here are some ways you can do it.
Maybe this was not exactly the word you were hoping to see in this article, but exercise is an amazing stress reliever. Getting regular exercise for at least 30 minutes 3 times per week has proven to lower stress hormones in our body while allowing for more restful sleep, and improving self confidence. Exercise offers a trifecta of what your body, mind, and even your soul needs to get more out of life. It can be difficult to start exercising, but if you can manage to walk some every day, find a workout routine online you enjoy, or even get involved with a local gym, you will see your entire life begin to improve while stress begins to melt away.
Limit Exposure to News
The news is meant to inform and some news avenues seem to do a great job at providing the news we need to remain informed, but too much information, in this instance, can have a negative effect. When you are overexposed to everything that is going on in the world, you can become stressed at your inability to control things. We have all seen stories on disasters while watching helplessly from our homes. It can be heartbreaking and knowing that these things can happen at any moment can bring on anxiety and stress you really do not need. Remain informed, but set limits on how much news you take in.
Limit Caffeine Intake
We all like a little jolt of caffeine every so often, but again, too much can be a bad thing. Caffeine has been proven to intensify anxiety symptoms and cause your heart to pump faster. Where this action is fine on occasion, too much caffeine can cause your body to simply overwork. Overworking your organs for too long can have a very negative effect on your overall health leading to even more anxiety and stress. Limit your caffeine intake and see how much better you feel overall.
Write Things Down
Anxiety and stress come in many forms and too much of it can weigh heavily on our ability to live a quality life. A great tactic to help is to write things down. No matter how old or young you are, stresses of daily life can cause you to forget to buy things from the store, appointments, or a myriad of other things you need to get done. Take some time each morning and write it all down. Writing out a schedule for yourself takes a few moments out of your day, but it helps tremendously to know you do not have to keep it all in your head. Additionally, journaling at the end of your day can help you unload your mind before heading to bed. Your mind can empty out leading to a more restful night of sleep.
Enjoy Time with Friends
Finding times to enjoy with friends can be a chore. Especially during these confusing times where social events are drastically reduced or cancelled, but it is important to find time with those you enjoy spending time with. Even though you may not be able to go out to eat in a larger group like you once did, try doing something outdoors. Pack a lunch and head out for a hike with a few friends or start a daily outdoor walk with a few people. The possibilities are not as limited as they might seem. Even if you cannot physically go out and do things, you can spend time in your own home interacting with friends online or try having a movie night with friends with the help of technology. Many streaming services offer watch party options that can help bring people closer together.
Stress and anxiety can happen at any time and to any person, but reducing those stresses and things that bring on anxiety will help your overall wellbeing. There is no one way to completely eliminate stress, but there are many ways to help reduce it. Getting involved with friends for activities, exercise, and turning off the news a little more can have drastic positive effects on your overall life. You are in control over your life and the stresses within, so take them on and work to reduce them one by one. You can do it!read more
This title might actually scare you a little, but don’t worry, you do not have to be super human to get all of this accomplished. We see people that seem to have it all. The money, awesome bodies, amazing relationships, and have their lives truly in order. How do they do it? How do they keep everything together long enough to get it all done? The answer is, they did not do everything at once. We will take each one of these entities on individually so you can see how it can all be brought together in your own life.
Work to Be Healthier
It can be difficult to be truly happy with your life when you are out of shape. Although we are not speaking of mere vanity, eating right and exercising can have a severely positive effect on your mind and body as well. In order to begin to take control of your life, you must first learn to control your own body and your urges.
We all love a good calorie filled meal from time to time. Filling ourselves with foods we love can make us feel great in the short term, but the effects never last. Changing habits you have in regard to food is the best way to begin reshaping your life. Include more healthy options than unhealthy ones by finding food you can enjoy that will not make you regret your decisions. Invest in fresh fruits and vegetables while reducing your intake of carbs. Choose lean proteins such as chicken, turkey, and fish, as opposed to a big juicy steak or pork chops. Change happens through seemingly insignificant changes over the course of your life.
As for exercise, start slowly. Taking on an intensive exercise routine too fast can lead to burnout. Start by walking a little more each day, starting a once per week fitness class, or playing sports with your kids outside more. Slowly build your exercise routine from there.
Creating High Quality Relationships
When people say relationship, they often think of the romantic variety, but you have to remember, the best romantic relationships start out as friendships. Focus on finding friends that enjoy the same activities you do. Attend gatherings of like minded people. Join a hiking club, religious organization, or social events that meet your specific desires of what you want to accomplish in life. Invest in friends that build you up without dragging you down. Friends with negative habits should be avoided and distancing yourself from these people is essential for your overall happiness.
Once you have found what you love and have invested time with friends that love the same things, you will find the friendships made there are worthy of your affections. You can find a deeper relationship with someone who likes the same activities as you do as opposed to someone you are just physically attracted to. The deepest relationships have intimacy on all levels, not just the physical and it all starts with a deep rooted friendship.
This aspect is at the bottom of the list, because it is ultimately, the least important. Although everyone seems to claim money is the most important thing, it is essential that you work on yourself and your relationship with others before making significant money. People are far more important than monetary gain, but once you have established relationships with others and invested in your own wellbeing, making money can be your next step.
Take some time to examine those that already have money and see what they did to get it. What you will find, is that each of these wealthy individuals, unless they were already heir to a fortune, started out by solving a problem. Some have gained wealth by creating an essential app or computer program. Others have created accessories. Still, there are some that create never before seen inventions. The point is to find a problem and solve it.
There Are More Paths to Wealth
Solving a problem for humanity and making a product to sell is considered the big dream and it can happen for some if they are willing to invest the time and attention into marketing their idea and it is truly unique. However, there are other ways to make money without having a product. Many have invested in stocks to help bring about wealth. This option is for those who are analytically minded and understand stocks that will take off. Investing in stocks can be risky and the best way to do it is to be versatile in your investments. Never invest all your savings in one stock.
When evaluating your life, do not compare it to others. There are some that seem to have it all, but no one is perfect. Always keep that in mind. Even the wealthiest and seemingly most successful people have a few flaws. Your life is important and it is time to take hold of it, so invest in getting into shape while eating better, find friends that meet your personality, and then take time to make some money.read more
Why do so many marriages fail to bring happiness? After all, we are taught from a very young age that if we meet someone special and overcome all the obstacles put in our way to keep us apart, we will find everlasting happiness. Isn’t this the premise of all those novels and movies? The handsome prince, knight, unlikely hero rescues the beautiful, helpless, nubile ingenue and carries her away from her unsatisfactory plight, to enjoy lasting happiness. Cinderella finally wins her prince and they live happily ever after.
Have you noticed that those stories always end at the engagement or wedding and they finish with a vague promise that only happiness and fulfillment lie ahead for these two? “And they lived happily ever after”. Did they?
So, if this is the story society imprints on our youngsters, how can they realistically deal with the challenges and demands of modern marriage?
Teens have been raised with unrealistic expectations of marriage and the specialness of the person they will marry. Inevitably, those high expectations aren’t met. As the tedious grind of making a living, paying the bills and getting on with everyday life start to dawn, the illusion of eternal happiness begins to dull. Resentment and disappointment soon replace the joy and roses they felt they were entitled to. Some deal with this and take it in their stride, some even make the best of it, but many eventually walk away.
Picture a young woman leaving her girlhood behind. She has been conditioned to believe someone very special will court her. A knight, a capable breadwinner, a wonderful loving father, an adoring, supportive husband and an exciting lover. Now, these princes are few on the ground but that doesn’t stop her from dreaming that it will happen to her. So, she paints her current partner with that brush. She holds him up as a knight in shining armor who will deliver all the happiness she deserves. Only, she eventually realizes that he’s just an ordinary bloke, a goofy guy, warts and all, who falls short of all the redeeming qualities she has imbued him with.
After the first heady flush of lust and playing house wears off, maybe two years later, the illusion has been shattered. She starts noticing his faults and bad habits, she wants him to have more backbone, stop playing video games, do something with his life, and improve their economic outlook. She realizes that he’s not a good earner and he has no ambition or ability to become one. Furthermore, he resents her nagging and spends as much time with his mates as he can to get away from her sharp tongue and the constant reminder that he’s a useless, lazy slob.
Now, picture a young man who has won his princess. She looks lovely at their wedding but he’s got her now and he no longer has to be on his best behavior, he can relax and be himself. He has been looking for someone to mother him. She will cook and clean up after him like women are supposed to. She will look out for his daily comforts, organize him and also be a vamp in the bedroom at night.
He is surprized at first when things don’t turn out as he imagined. Three small children appear in quick succession and she no longer looks after herself, she lets herself go. She’s tired and crabby all the time and you can forget about any benefits in the bedroom after a day of running the household, looking after him and three kids, and going to work before coming home to cook dinner and do the housework. Worse still, she has her own opinions and is not scared of saying so. She nags him to help around the house and get a better job, and then she still wants to be wooed and courted with flowers and compliments from time to time.
She has changed from the playful, pretty girl he courted; which seems like a lifetime ago. Now she’s just somebody’s frumpy mother.
Some couples make the reality of marriage and daily life work, but many soldier on, unhappy with how things turned out. The secret to a good marriage? Face the realities, look for the positives, support each other and build a lasting friendship.read more
We all have those moments when we wonder whether or not we are going to make it, are we on the right track, have we done the right thing? This is essentially human and could be turned into a force for good if we harness it correctly. We are talking about self-doubt.
Sooner or later we are all going to be confronted with some degree of self-doubt over a stance we have taken, something we said, or actions we have put in motion. Was it the right thing to do? Doubting yourself can be self-destructive. The worst enemy of getting ahead in life is self-doubt. It will hold you back and make you lose good opportunities that you should otherwise have embraced. It can also adversely affect your ability to build rewarding social relationships.
Anyone who claims they don’t experience moments of self-doubt is surely fooling themselves. Some people have very confident personalities and may not often concede that they have concerns about themselves. On the other hand, people who are timid and lack self-confidence may doubt themselves a lot more often.
So, in part, the degree of self-doubt you experience in your life can be a personality trait. Alternatively, it may be a result of your environment. If people are constantly put down and belittled, either by an overbearing partner or perhaps at work, they may begin to doubt themselves and their validity, more and more.
Ask yourself why? Once you understand where your self-doubt comes from and why it affects you the way it does, you are already on the path to overcoming this state of mind. So, go ahead, ask those searching questions, dig deep and gain a better understanding of why you are letting self-doubt affect your mental wellbeing and diminish your self-image.
Next, you need to actively develop a positive response and set up steps to overcome your lack of self-assurance and your insecurities.
Stop comparing yourself to others, celebrate the fact that you’re different.
Overcome your fear of failure
Start to believe in yourself
Rely on your own innate wisdom and your instincts to guide you
Don’t dwell on mistakes of the past, just learn from them and move on
Don’t fear the risk of failure, instead, fear the absence of progress
If you are feeling negative, tell yourself to get over it and move on
Don’t worry that people might judge your performance harshly, just do your best and be proud of yourself
Write down a Pros and Cons list when conflicting over a good opportunity that has come your way. If you go for the opportunity, what is the worst that could happen? What is the best that could happen? Rein in your self-doubt by logically exploring the best and worst scenarios to discover that in fact, often there is more in the gains column than there is in the loss column.
Confide in a friend or someone you love. Tell them your doubts and fears and get some dispassionate feedback. Talking about it and gaining new insight from someone else’s perspective can be invaluable.
Turn your negative thoughts and insecurities into something positive. Go to seminars and workshops on how to harness positive thoughts and optimism to power you forward into a more successful life. Learn how to dispel negativity and focus on the positive.
Use failures and setbacks as lessons to guide you on how to avoid the same mistakes. This is how we all gain experience and become more successful in the future.
When you have achieved a milestone that you wanted, make sure you celebrate your success. This will boost your motivation to grasp other challenges and it will improve your confidence.
When you have learned to embrace your own strengths and good qualities your insecurities and self-doubt are able to fade into the background.
None of us are perfect, so you are not alone. When you start to recognize your better qualities and learn to love yourself despite a few imperfections, you are on the path to a more positive and more fulfilling life.read more