How To Navigate A Relationship When Your Partner Struggles With Mental Illness
Human beings are complex, social animals. We evolved to live in groups and form relationships within our communities. Most cues for these aspects of life come to us naturally. However, that doesn’t mean that forming and maintaining relationships is easy. While finding love is one of the most talked-about aspects of romance, it is the sustenance of said love that is most difficult.
There are various aspects of a successful relationship; there is the chemistry at the initial stages. It is impossible to find love without chemistry and so it is essential. Once you’re in the relationship, understanding each other comes into play. It is true that with chemistry, love, and understanding, relationships can be happy, healthy, and long. Life is not as straightforward and often there are a lot of external factors that affect relationships. More often than not these factors are out of the couples’ control and so it all comes down to being patient and taking the right decisions.
One such factor that can place a strain on relationships is mental illness. We live in a fast-paced world that doesn’t allow us enough time or energy to rest and recover. Mental illnesses are a part of our lives and there is no denying it. While there is a lot more understanding and insight into what these illnesses are and why they shouldn’t be stigmatized, it is still quite a challenge to navigate them in real life. Mental illnesses are hard on the people that are affected and so it is essential to get a diagnosis followed by help and support. It is very important for family, friends and partners to support people suffering from mental illnesses.
How does one ensure that they’re providing their partner with the right kind of help and support should they suffer from an illness? The most important thing is to know that the situation is central to your partner, not to you. However, it may be affecting your life, it affects their life more and they deserve your love, respect and support more than anything else. If you love your partner and are willing to do the work to make your relationship work, half the battle has been won. You can start by trying to find out more about your partner’s mental illness. Find out what they suffer from, talk to them about how they manage the illness, and see if there is anything you can do to help them manage their life better. Seek information about your partner’s diagnosis from reliable sources and avoid misinformation. You can also look into mental health organizations or support groups relevant to you and your partner. Knowing about the symptoms and implications of your partner’s diagnosis can help you create a good healing environment for them.
There are certain situations, however, where the best thing you can do for your partner is step back and let them have some space. You might want to be proactive in dealing with their diagnosis but it is a very personal matter, so being able to step back is just as important as being able to step up in this situation. Remember to treat your partner with respect and not disregard their opinion in how to handle their own diagnosis. While there are situations where your partner may need you to act on their behalf, this should not translate to you dictating their life. Taking decisions when your partner needs you to and taking decisions all the time are two very different things and should be kept separate.
Your partner may not always know that they’re suffering with a mental illness. They might start falling sick after you’ve been with them so keep an eye out for signs of them suffering. Don’t take any new conflicts in the relationship at surface level, see if there is a reason why your partner is stressed and upset. You need to be mindful in relationships and so be mindful of what you say and hear. Is there a change in the way your partner acts? Is there a change in their appetite? Has their lifestyle altered without explanation? Has your partner started to self-medicate with alcohol or nicotine? Keeping an eye on things like this can allow you to understand what state of mind your partner is in and if they need help from you and/or a professional. Medication and therapy go a long way when it comes to mental illness and an early diagnosis could spare your partner the pain of being misunderstood and untreated.
It is not easy to navigate life with a mental illness, remember that when with a partner struggling with one. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner and find out what they need. The time following a diagnosis can be embarrassing for your partner. They may not feel like themselves for a while afterward so be mindful of their insecurities and doubts. If your partner asks for validation, give it to them because they need it. If your partner needs to be reassured of your feelings towards them; don’t take it personally. It is not a lack of trust in you but in themselves.
There will be times where you’ll do everything right and still not get the result you want and you have to learn to accept that. It takes time and patience to come up with a way of living that works for your partner’s healing path as well as your relationship. Be kind and patient. Remember that your partner is dealing with a lot of pressure and stress that may not even be related to you so don’t take things personally. The most important point when everything else has been taken care of is self-care. You need to keep yourself in good health and a pleasant mindset. Remember to take care of your own well-being as well because this can only work if both parties are moving towards good health. You cannot pour from an empty cup so continue to work on yourself as you work to ensure your partner’s healing and comfort.
Love is strong and overcomes a lot just as long as you put in sustained effort. Having a mental illness doesn’t have to be the end of the line for your love story.
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How To Get The Spark Back in Your Relationship
Love is all-encompassing and omnipresent, it is omnipotent and eternal, but is it enough? Love is all you need, but is it all you’ll ever want? Love overcomes all but can humans do the same?
Cynical as those questions sound, they are actual thoughts that people have as they fall in and out of love. They are valid questions, however brash and upsetting they may sound.
We often look at love as a panacea but love is only the first step of the way to a relationship. The new romantics may think this thought absurd. They may argue that love is all there is to a relationship and a lot of people will agree. Surely love can’t just be an elective in the school of relationships? The seasoned players of the game of romance however will tell you that love truly is the last thing that matters when relationships end. You could truly love someone and not stand to be around them and you could not love someone at all and still stay with them for a lifetime. Everything beautiful about a relationship can fade over time and while the thought of this is incredibly scary, it is not at all outlandish. Life keeps flowing around you as you fall in love and slowly you settle into a routine. There are people who naturally maintain a balance between their work and their personal lives and there are others that don’t. It is often people that fall in the latter category that find their relationships losing their sparkle.
We sometimes become so comfortable with our partners that we forget to do the things that we once did to make them feel special. As the spark dulls in the relationship, problems arise and sometimes people end up separating as a consequence. The good thing in all of this is that this is not the only possible ending in this situation. Just because you’ve fallen into a routine doesn’t necessarily have to mean that your relationship has to lose its spark.
The very first thing to understand about relationships is the need for consistency. You cannot bring a certain energy to a relationship in the beginning and then slowly let the energies fade away as you become sure of your partner’s connection with you. Your partner has fallen in love with the person you are in the first few blissful days/weeks of the relationship, changing that once they’ve made a commitment to you will certainly lead to problems in the long run. There should be consistency in your efforts. The relationship may not always have the jitters and excitement of a first date but it should always have love and adoration.
There often comes a point in a relationship where couples might start to feel like they know everything about each other. There is a chance that this might be partially true. When you’ve spoken to someone so much and spend extended amounts of time with them, your lives start to merge. Your stories and experiences slowly merge till it becomes difficult to separate one from the other. Regardless of this merging of lives, people also continue to develop as individuals. It is important to keep track of this change. If you feel disconnected from your partner, then try and see if there is anything that has changed in their life. Have they picked up a new hobby/interest, is something new going on at work, are they simply feeling different for whatever reason? Ask these questions and take interest in your partner’s life. Everyone wants to be loved, appreciated, and seen in their entirety so make sure you’re keeping up with this evolution.
The emotional aspect of relationships is often rather complicated. It is difficult enough to take care of yourself and your mental health in today’s fast-paced world. It is even more difficult to keep track of the same with another person in the equation. Try and make sure you and your partner are emotionally and mentally healthy. Sometimes feeling disconnected from your partner may be a result of emotional pressure/ stress. Be mindful of the state your relationship is in emotionally and then see if it might be reasonable to seek external help. Try couples counseling if you and your partner aren’t sure how to approach and resolve the issue.
The stereotypical advice about bringing back the spark in a relationship may focus on acts of service or presents to make your partner re-engage in the relationship, but the reality is far from it. While it is important to do nice things for your partner, it is not the cure-all. You absolutely should plan activities with your partner, get them a gift if you want to, and give them physical affection. However, these are things that people in healthy relationships normally do, so if you have reached a point where it isn’t coming naturally then it may be time to re-evaluate. Why aren’t you and your partner finding time for activities together? Is there a way to spend time together that can fit in with your schedules? If so, go ahead and do it. Not every date needs to be a high-effort event. Sometimes spending quality time with your partner can be as simple as staying in bed a little longer and talking to each other. You could make a nice little activity out of cooking a meal or doing the dishes. You could play some music and dance in the living room, go for a picnic or just take walks around the park. The possibilities are endless.
The relationship ultimately comes down to whether or not you enjoy the time spent with your partner. With the right person, anything could be interesting. You could just be sitting in a room together working on your own and it would still be a good experience. Anything is possible if two people are in love and willing to make things work. Ask yourself why you feel the lack of a spark in your relationship and then go from there. If there is love, you and your partner will surely find a way.
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How to leave work at `work`
The instance of burnout among professionals and students has increased in recent years. The problem seemed to become more potent with the onset of the pandemic. In a world where we already had trouble separating our personal and professional lives, we couldn’t have possibly stood the test of a pandemic too.
We have always been advised against mixing our personal and professional lives, and we have almost always failed to do so. While it may seem easy enough to do, it is actually easier said than done. With the prevalence of the ‘Hustle’ culture and the widening gap between minimum and livable wages, the lines between your job and life are blurred beyond recognition.
On hearing this, one may think that they have set proper boundaries. You may even feel the same as you read this article, but have you really set these boundaries? Do you not check your emails and answer work-related calls and texts after work and on-off time? Do you not bring back baggage from work and find yourself seething about it hours later? Do you not end up working at home despite being off the clock? If so, then you certainly do not separate work from your personal life.
Being able to separate the two is indeed a privilege reserved for people who either can not work outside of their workspace or who can afford to refuse to say no without losing their jobs. However, you can do certain basic things to avoid blurring the lines more than they have been already.
The first thing to remember is that you work to live a good life, not the other way around. People often start believing that their work is the only important thing in their lives. I agree that your job is essential and that it is why you’re able to live the life you’ve always wanted. However, you mustn’t let it overpower your entire life. You should not feel guilty about taking time off or planning vacations. The capitalistic nature of our society makes people treat their jobs as the only important thing in life, so they often place work above all else. A very toxic trait that has been bred in the minds of working professionals today is the glorification of the workaholic life. People carry the workaholic tag like a badge of honor on their chest rather than a crippling weight on their backs. Amid messages promoting working yourself to the bone and putting hard, laborious work above efficiency, people lose sight of reality and start equating their burnout to success. Hard work is undoubtedly the key to success, but that does not in any way take away from the importance of being efficient; just because your way of working is difficult doesn’t mean that it is the best.
You must never stop exploring and learning as long as you’re able to. Many people seem to get so tied up with work that they forget to do things just for themselves. We’re so caught up in trying to earn money, and we attach monetary significance to everything. It is vital to continue to have hobbies and interests outside of your job. It isn’t necessary to be really good at something; you can learn something new from scratch. Join a club, attend a class, a writing workshop, a painting class, pottery, anything that suits your fancy. If you don’t want to go out, you can read, dance, sing, and write anything you like. If you don’t want a hobby, join a club, a walking club, hiking club, book club, or anything that makes you feel happy. The point is to know that there is no age where you should stop working on yourself and your happiness.
Overworking and work-related stress have long been a reason for unrest among families. We spend a large part of the day at work. Much of our time and energy goes into it, so it is only natural to carry some of that energy into our personal lives. It is impractical to ask people to be utterly indifferent to the circumstance at work. Human beings cannot be completely unaffected by their surroundings, so it is natural to be receptive to the highs and lows of work life. Often these things bleed slowly into our personal lives and lead to quarreling and disturbances. While it may not be possible not to discuss your work with your friends and family, it is a good idea to keep the conversations to a minimum. You can come home and express your distress over something that happened at work, and you can even ask for advice. What you should not do, is take out your frustrations on people who do not even know what is bothering you. Communication is the best weapon to combat almost every vice out there. If you can communicate your work-related frustrations to your family, everyone involved will better handle the situation at home.
You may know someone who tries all of this yet cannot succeed at leaving their work in the workplace. You might even be someone who doesn’t find it easy to separate the two. We are taught a lot of covertly toxic things about work while we’re growing. We are taught that if you do not succeed at one job, that you’re a failure. We are taught to waste our time trying to achieve impractical goals rather than learning to move onward and upward. We hear maxims like ‘Do or die,’ but we’re rarely taught how to handle anything other than success and stellar results. We carry all this to our workspace and then wonder why we have an unhealthy relationship with work. Few people have the opportunity to learn how to live their life and work at the same time. There is no shame in being unable to cope with the pressure of work. It is perfectly normal to struggle to cope with work, and if you ever need some help with it, you could always go to a life coach or a therapist. Ultimately, the most important thing is to remember and cherish your individuality and life. Yes, work is essential, and yes, a lot rides on it but not everything.
So plan your work around your life, not vice versa, and you should be golden.
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How To Face Life’s Challenges and Overcome Adversity
You cannot avoid adversity in life. Even the most sheltered and privileged individuals find themselves in adverse conditions at some point or the other. Adversity is not convenient, and it often throws a wrench in your plans, but there is no way around this aspect of life. You have to accept that as a part of life and focus on the consequences of these situations rather than worrying about the purpose. Some say that adversity is to be considered a test of strength, and they may be right. However, I feel like we glorify adversity, too, much like all else in life. Adversity is an inconvenience that you often cannot circumvent and should be treated as such. There have been various studies that have looked into the ways in which one can overcome adversity, the foremost being having resilience.
You must remember that not every single inconvenience in life is going to be the reason life ends. It is natural for things to go wrong from time to time, and you must accept that as soon as you identify a problem. Remember that you have been through difficult situations before, and you’ll go through more of them in the future. You are strong enough to deal with whatever has been sent your way. That is not to say that you need to deal with adversity alone. Talk to your friends and family. Acknowledge and accept their help because you are not alone in your situation. More often than not, we start to take pride in how little help we ask for, but no one gets a medal for doing things the hard way. You will not receive one either. Make your life easy by asking for and accepting help when necessary.
The second thing to focus on is your surroundings. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you. Your surroundings can affect your mood as well as your response to adversity. You are vulnerable in times of adversity, so the effect is even more pronounced. The right guidance at the right time. People who accept mistakes and understand how they are an essential part of life Supportive people who favor your success. While your surroundings are greatly influenced by the people around you, it is also dependent on your own mindset. Write about your feelings, and make sure you check any negative thoughts you might be having. Keep track of how you feel and how you’re responding to your surroundings. Do not indulge in self-loathing and try to be reflective instead. Understand your situation after recovering from its initial shock and move on from it when you’re comfortable doing so. Accept the situation and start to look for ways to solve your problem. It might seem like a herculean task, but the best thing to do in times of adversity is to get busy. Put your energy into making things better, and you’ll thank yourself once the situation has been resolved. In the midst of all this, do not forget to express your feelings through your writing. Eventually, you’ll be able to track your progress over time, allowing you to remember that no matter how bad things get, you can always make it through.
The modern world is full of wonderful technology, which makes our lives easier, but it is not without its limitations. One major limitation is the introduction of one more aspect of life for us to worry about. This could be anything from your social media presence to the inability to regulate how available you want to be to the people contacting you. While one may deal with these reasonably well in good times, it may not be as easy to do so in difficult times. Take a break from technology and social media in whatever capacity suits you. This ties in with the fact that you are the most important person in your life. Prioritize taking care of yourself before you take care of others. Try to take nature walks or sit in the fresh air if it is possible for you. Research shows that outdoor activities and immersion in nature reduce stress, so try to get some sunlight every day and follow your body’s natural circadian rhythm to allow for recovery.
Life has strange ways of teaching you lessons you don’t realize you need. It is important to remember to keep your eyes and mind in times of adversity to allow the learning to continue. You might see your relationships more clearly in your time of need. You can identify your own habits that may have been holding you back. Invest in your own development. Make time for yourself and make improvements to the quality of your life. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so even if you are more inclined to care for others, know that you can’t keep doing that if you’re not feeling happy and satisfied.
There will always be adversity in life, and you can be sure of that. However, none of these are situations you can not survive. The adversity can result from your actions, or it can be entirely out of your hand. The key is not to take it personally. Don’t waste your time wondering why you’ve been dealt a bad hand. Take this time to introspect and work on making sure you don’t have the same problem twice. Things will be out of your control sometimes. There will be times when the only thing to do will be to let go. In situations like that, learn to practice satisfaction and detachment. Don’t get comfortable in your misery, and it is easy to become complacent to your situation. The challenge is to take every adversity and face it head-on with the clear intention to overcome it. Know that you are capable, and you’ll surely succeed.
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How To Stop The Spiral Of Toxic Thoughts
The downward spiral is a fancy name for that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that doesn’t let you be at peace no matter how hard you try. In more psychologically relevant terms, the spiral refers to the feedback of negative thoughts and emotions, often as a result of a trigger. Downward spirals are often misunderstood and lead to advice such as, “Stop thinking so much” and, “Have you tried to chill out?”
Popular culture often represents this spiral as an endearing trait of a neurodivergent character that their love interest can fix in quick and, in my opinion, unimaginative ways. However, the downward spiral is not that and is wildly misrepresented like most things related to mental health.
The truth is that the sinking feeling that accompanies these thoughts is not endearing in the least. The thoughts don’t just pass over a person like a soft breeze, they hit you like a tidal wave, and it is exhausting to keep afloat. We eventually give in to the fiend and find ourselves recalling painful incidents that we’d normally like to forget. We pick on ourselves and become the enemy that we would otherwise avoid. We force ourselves to consider every possible thing that could go wrong in life and start to walk down the slippery slope of despair. The cyclical thoughts of repressed emotions and experiences, negativity, and self-loathing go on and on till you can either shock yourself back to reality or seek help from someone who can do that for you.
Why do we find ourselves in this place?
The answer is not as complex as one may assume. The downward spiral is often an amalgamation of our guilt, humiliation, anger, and gloom. We often dwell on the wrong things in life. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. It doesn’t matter if we’ve made peace with it. It doesn’t even matter if you’re happier now than you were when these things first happened. Once there is an inconvenience that triggers you, the thoughts are sure to follow. Ask yourself, what is it that bothers you during a downward spiral? Is it not things that hurt you as a child? Is it not something/someone that isn’t a part of your life anymore said to you? Is it not the same insecurities you usually tuck away in a rarely visited corner of your mind? Is it not thoughts that you usually recognize as useless and untrue? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then know you are not alone. We are humans, and it is our nature to ruminate. Introspection and reflection are a part of our life. The only thing to be looked at here is the way in which you go about it.
The most important thing to remember in your journey towards peace is always being mindful of what you do. Understand what you’re doing, be deliberate in your efforts, and know your motivations. The trajectory of your life is yours to decide, so it is your job to treat it in a hands-on fashion. Understand what leads to you spiraling and be prepared. Practice forgiveness towards yourself and others. It might be difficult to forgive people, and I do not recommend forcing it. However, being forgiving towards yourself is non-negotiable. Remember to be kind to yourself if you find yourself getting stuck in a spiral. Everyone makes mistakes, and yours are neither unique nor novel. You should be content with the mundane nature of our existence. Years of human life and countless people have made it nearly impossible to create a new mistake. Even if you make a new one, know that you won’t be the last to do it and live in peace with that knowledge.
We often process loss in ways that are not healthy for us. The downward spiral of negativity is one such unhealthy coping mechanism. Some say that it is oddly satisfying to vocalize every negative emotion you’ve ever had. Others say that self-medicating with alcohol, nicotine, and such help. They may be somewhat right about both, but it is essential not to turn it into a habit. If you go down the path of self-loathing and spiraling every once in a while, it is a normal derivative of the kinds of lives we’re living. However, if you do this at every minor inconvenience, then it is unhealthy and requires intervention. You can’t keep destroying your health and life because you’re having a bad time. Don’t self-medicate, don’t indulge your negativity, and try to hold onto the happier memories in your life. If you can’t check yourself as you start spiraling, talk to someone who can tell you precisely what you need to know. Write down reminders and affirmations for yourself so that you can hold onto your reality rather than getting washed away in the momentary wave of anxiety. Seek counseling if you feel like the spiral might be eating away at your life. It is never too late to ask for help.
We all wish there were an easy fix to everything in life, but there rarely is. We are complex beings, and it is only natural to experience complex emotions. Do not beat yourself up over how you feel. Try to understand why you’re there and start moving forward. If you feel like you can’t deal with the emotions alone, talk to someone you trust. Seek professional help if required and do whatever it takes to live your best life. You deserve acceptance, love, and peace. Know and accept them and be determined to achieve serenity. Sometimes you’ll fix a bad day with some sunlight and exercise, and others will need something stronger. Regardless of how you get there, the end goal is to be at peace, and you will get there sooner or later.
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How To Develop Inner Strength
The world has been in turmoil for over a year now. We have collectively lost a lot including people, routines, jobs and much more. In times like this, it becomes imperative to maintain our inner strength. Trying times always come with challenges that seem nearly impossible to defeat. However, it is times like this that make us stronger. This is not to say that suffering is noble somehow. Suffering should be avoided at all cost, everyone that is lucky enough to have the gift of life should also live without suffering and subjecting others to it. While this is a noble thought, suffering is inevitable.
What can we do in times of suffering then? Should we escape, or should we endure?
Escapism is the most commonly picked answer in such cases. It is easy to escape, takes minimal effort, and thus is more convenient of the two. Escapism, however, doesn’t end suffering. You may drink away your pain for a day, but you will not end it. The only way to end suffering is to endure. Survive in the face of adversity and make your situations better. There are no knights in shining armor in real life. As corny as it may sound, you have to be your savior.
What can we do to be our saviors?
It is a loaded question and needs to be answered with logic. Consider the challenges of life like endurance tests. One requires the right mindset, knowledge and supplies to be able to ace a test. Consider inner strength as your supply in the test of life. You can still pass these tests with low inner strength, but it may be detrimental to your mental health. You don’t just want to survive; you want to thrive, so the first thing you should work on is developing inner strength. Inner strength includes the generation of a will to live to the fullest instead of settling with mere survival. Having a positive outlook on life can be the difference between barely surviving a setback and coming back stronger due to it. No matter how good or bad a situation is, it will pass, so there is no point worrying.
When life throws curveballs at you, they don’t just come in intangible forms; every once in a while, the challenge will come in form of people. When that happens, you have to remember that you should do everything to protect yourself first, then others. So, if you need to distance yourself from a person who emotionally drains you, do it. Remember that the most important person in your life is you, and you will find self-preservation coming to you a lot easier; knowing when to stop and draw a boundary allows for cleaner solutions, even for the messiest problems.
Due to the history of toxic positivity in the human world, many people equate inner strength to apathy. The apathetic mindset not only hurts the people around us but also our journey. Emotions are natural, healthy even, so don’t hide them. If you feel upset, then let yourself process the situation before trying to deny it. Let yourself be angry, upset or annoyed and then get over it. It is better to feel your emotions and then let go, rather than holding onto them till the point of implosion.
This brings us to one of the most important aspects of inner strength and crisis management. We must learn to let go. This may sound like vague advice, but it is quite possibly the key to inner peace. Learn to let go of everything, right from materialistic wares to anger and frustration. You should absolutely let yourself feel your emotions, but you should not ruminate in them too long. Process your feelings, come to a conclusion and take action. If you are upset about something in life, then don’t belittle your own emotion, feel it, throw yourself a pity party if you must but then look for ways to change where you are. Is it a problem you can solve? If not, then your work is done, and you can let go of whatever it is. If you can solve it, then move on to step two and make a plan. You must remember, however, that making plans is seldom enough. You must make a plan and stick to it, which brings us to the next step: acting on your plans. Being able to let go or take action as and when needed allows us to make better decisions even in times of distress.
Strength and resilience are not something you can learn. They are a result of your circumstance and how you deal with said circumstances. I agree that some people may inherit their strength and resilience from their families, but it is not genetic transmission that leads to it. It is the things that you learn through watching the people around you navigate the narrow lanes of a crisis.
The point is that even if you don’t feel solid or resilient now, you can inculcate them in yourself through conscious effort. Make an effort to be more kind to yourself, understand your feelings and emotions, and put them before others as and when needed. Learn to identify your allies and talk to them. You can endure on your own, too, but as mentioned above, our goal is to thrive, not just survive. Know when to ask for help and let the people around you rise to the occasion.
The development of inner strength may seem like too much work, but this is work you want to do. Equip yourself with the knowledge and supplies needed to be able to survive anything. Suffering may be inevitable, but your survival is too. It is up to you to make the most of a bad situation and come out only mildly affected, if not entirely unscathed.
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What to do when motivation fades?
Motivation, by definition, is the willingness to carry out any given task. It is the drive for all human behavior and an indispensable part of life. It is always said that hard work and determination can achieve anything. Many people fail to mention that both require motivation, and motivation has never been an easy beast to tame. We often hear people talk about how the most gifted individuals have difficulty excelling due to a lack of motivation. The lack of motivation is often looked at as a derivative of laziness, but that could not be any less true. We are often harsh on our own and other people’s demotivation as we see it as a deliberate act rather than a natural emotion. We cannot speak for everyone but more often than not, people want to work hard and succeed in life. So why do we still run out of motivation, and what can we do to regain it?
The past year or so has been challenging for our planet as a whole, and there is no need to point out the dire state of our collective mental health. Pandemics, much like many other historical events, are traumatic for the masses. We are jarred by the loss of what is known to us while simultaneously being forced to act like nothing is amiss. In the midst of this pandemic, we have found ourselves feeling burnt out and demotivated. In response to this, we do the one thing that we shouldn’t, which is pushing through anyway. Ignoring the root cause of your demotivation often turns to resentment towards your task, leading to more and more dissatisfaction. You can not pour from an empty cup, so it is of utmost importance to introspect and self-improve.
We all know what the problem is; we know that we want to solve it, so half the road to improvement has already been traveled. All that is left to do now is to look into the science of it and find a solution. As per the Hierarchy of Needs theory, individuals can only be motivated to complete greater tasks if their most basic needs are met. Your loss of motivation stems from the lack of fulfillment of your most basic needs. Ask yourself these questions –
Am I taking care of my body?
Am I environmentally and financially secure?
Am I safe and loved in my relationships?
Am I in good esteem?
Am I confident in my efforts?
The answers to these questions will help you identify the reasons for your lack of motivation. If we go sequentially, the most basic need for anyone is sustenance. If you’re not taking care of your body and health, then invariably, you will end up feeling drained and demotivated. An easy fix is staying hydrated, being particular about your nutrition, and keeping your surroundings in order.
The second question pertains to your physical and financial security. Building upon the previous point, we know that bad health cannot possibly work to our full potential. Give yourself time to heal instead of trying to work while you’re not physically ready for it. You can’t walk on a broken foot forever. Do not put your health and safety in danger for your task, and watch the motivation shoot back into your life.
Humans are social beings. We cannot and should not exist in isolation. With isolation becoming a way of life in the current scenario, we have been subjected to a different kind of loss of contact. Ask yourself if you need to talk and then find someone to talk to. It could be a friend, a relative, or your therapist. In addition to this, you must re-evaluate the relationships in your life. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference to the way you carry yourself in life. Chose the people you share your life with care. The point doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. Any relationship that weighs down on you instead of uplifting you is only making you less likely to live up to your potential. Don’t carry the stress from these deadweight relationships, and allow yourself to grow.
The matter of esteem in the workplace is often taken for granted. One can indeed have a thick skin and not care about how others treat them in the workplace, but there is only so much one can take. Creating a safe and comfortable work environment is the first step in ensuring maximum output from yourself and your team. While it is the responsibility of the workspace to ensure good esteem, it is also a personal responsibility to make sure you command the respect you deserve. Holding people in good regard and being held with the same helps keep up motivation and thus improves output.
The last thing that you must evaluate is yourself and your self-esteem. It is always great to have people who support you around, but it counts for nothing if you don’t believe in yourself. The most important person you need in your corner is you. You can only stay motivated if you know that your effort counts for something, and thus it is incredibly important to believe in yourself.
Ideally, motivation would be straightforward, and its lack would be easily remedied. Unfortunately, what is ideal is not always real and so staying motivated is hard work. Acknowledge that and make an active effort to evaluate your situation. If you know your needs and know how to fulfill them, you will never run out of motivation. Make sure to keep yourself at peace so that you can perform to your full potential. On some days, motivation may be difficult to find, but I assure you it exists within you. It is up to you to know yourself and see it daily, be it through meditation, affirmations, or a good night’s sleep. Know that you’re not wrong or lazy for feeling demotivated, and then go ahead and regain it. The world is your oyster, don’t let this minor slump dissuade you.
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How to keep your partner happy?
We often find ourselves googling little questions throughout our days about things we don’t understand or know how to do. The answers are usually straightforward and get the job done so that we can move on to the next task on our lists. One such question that has about 87,40,00,000 results is, ‘How to keep your partner happy?’ and the answer is anything but straightforward.
I would like to stress that the first thing to do, is to work towards making yourself happy. We have heard the saying that ‘Hurt people, hurt people’, and so it is of the utmost importance for you to be satisfied and content in yourself before you start bending over backward to make someone else happy.
Relationships are a bit of a paradox because they are simultaneously the most simple and complicated things in the world. They are simple because all they need is love, and they are complex because just love is never enough. I realize that we have been drip-fed the ‘one true love’ narrative by popular culture for years and years. Over generations, we have been taught to differentiate true love and fake love, as if fake love even exists. It is an oxymoron, you know; love is not and can never be faked. Just because you’re with the love of your life now does not make all your other relationships fake. It may not last forever, but it is almost always true if it’s love. Once you understand that, you’ll stop putting undue pressure on your relationship to be perfect.
What should you do when you’re in love and want to make it known to your partner? The key here is communication. Get to know your partner and what makes them who they are. Not everyone wants a grand gesture, sometimes lending an ear is enough; that is not to say that grand gestures are useless. You just need to know what exactly your partner likes. Maybe they want you to buy them a gift, or perhaps they want you to cook them a meal, sometimes they may just want you to sit with them and watch the sunrise in silence; all three are languages of love, and all three can make people happy. So, start with communication.
There are various love languages, and they aren’t always the same for people, but the common factor in all of them is respect and consideration. This brings me to my next point – Always respect your partner. If reading this sentence ruffles your feathers, then introspection may be in order. Respect is not about status or domination; respect is so much more tender than that. When I say respect, I don’t mean the performative kind; continue to be who you are around your partner while simultaneously remembering that they are a whole universe unto themselves just as you are. Respect their time and energy. If you say you’re going to do something and go somewhere, keep your word. I have to add here that you must hold yourself to the same standard and expect respect from a partner in a similar fashion.
Most people, if not all, want to be loved and appreciated. However, we often blur the lines between being loved and being raised. Do not let your partner unknowingly take on a parental role for you. As outlandish as this sounds, it is a pretty common reason for the short life of certain relationships. There should be a healthy balance of responsibility between partners so that everyone can retain their individuality. The point where these lines are blurred is the point where your partner will start to feel unhappy. Another facet of this is giving your partner space. I understand that some people may want to be with their partners all the time, which is not a bad thing, but you have to draw a line somewhere. Don’t stifle your partner, let them have space, and don’t take their need for space personally. Everyone needs to be alone and in meditation sometimes. This can look different for different people; maybe your partner likes to work out early in the morning, maybe they like to sit in silence and read, maybe they want to watch a show alone. None of these mean that they dislike you; it just means that they need to be on their own and that this is an opportunity for you to go and do the things that you like.
Couples are teams and thus require a healthy amount of team spirit. Make plans together with your partner. This could be anything from planning vacations to planning meals or chores. Make plans together in a way where both of you can make the most of them. I will not ask you to be selfless to make your partner happy. Your priority should always be you, but that does not mean that you should be selfish. Strike a balance, find a middle ground if you cannot come to a clear decision but do not let your ego or selfishness get in the way of solving problems. In line with the idea of discussion and dissent, I have one tip that is a little less profound than the rest. Do not simmer in your anger too long. If you argue with your partner, learn to know when to walk away. You don’t have to talk about everything as soon as it happens. Give yourself and your partner time, and never say things out of anger. My mother always says that your words are like arrows, and once they’re out of your mouth, you cannot take them back. You may move past them for the time being, but I assure you that any pain caused by your words will remain for a much longer time.
I know that you can do many little things for your partner that are not as long-term as these. However, most of us know that; flowers, gifts, and grand gestures are common knowledge, and I do not doubt that they make romantic partners momentarily happy. This momentary happiness, however potent, is not long-lasting, and thus it is important to have a healthy mix of good behavior and good gestures in a relationship. Suppose I were to oversimplify the key to a happy partner and resultant happy relationship. In that case, I’d say take an interest in each other’s interests while avoiding turning everything into a two-person activity, and you’ll be just fine.
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How to deal with procrastination.
We often find ourselves putting off tasks that need our attention to the very last minute. It is rarely a result of laziness, but people, ourselves included, have a hard time understanding. You want to do the job, and you know that it is required of you, but you find yourself unable to focus, so you defer it. Procrastination is often the sign of something deeper.
Considering the current situation in the world, people have found themselves getting more and more aware of the mental hurdles that students and workers have faced for ages. Procrastination is often the result of being burnt out or exhausted; sometimes, it can also result from a lack of confidence in your abilities.
I think that it helps to approach procrastination with a well planned and kind approach. Understand why you’re demotivated and procrastinating, then make a plan to combat it. A pro tip in the matter would be to focus less on the result and more on your effort. Shifting the focus from the result can help you combat any undue anxiety/stress you may have, related to the job at hand.
Secondly, set achievable goals for yourself. If you have 15000 words to write, then start by setting the goal to make notes to build your writing on. By setting achievable goals, you allow for your mind to get used to the feeling of fulfilling a task. Once you’re able to enter that mindset, it will enable you to set bigger goals and thus complete your work.
The next thing to think about in the matter of procrastination is planning. The previous points may help you not procrastinate now, but you have to make long-term changes to see long-lasting results. You must start planning things so as to allow yourself the time to complete all your tasks comfortably. Try to map out your day in advance; this does not mean that you should mark every second of every day. Mapping out your day just refers to jotting down the main tasks you need to complete on that particular day. You can choose to do a little bit of a lot of tasks in a day or the entirety of one or two tasks a day. Either way, this approach will allow you to be mentally prepared for your work and will thus help you avoid procrastination.
It is almost like tricking your brain into wanting to work, but you’ve got to do whatever it takes to get things done.
Moving on to the point of self-confidence, we must address the fact that people often avoid tasks because they’re scared of failure. It is essential to understand that victories and failures are part and parcel of life. It is impossible to have one and not the other. The hustle culture often tells people that they need to work to the point of exhaustion every single day, and all their days should be full of success and nothing else. The truth is that for every victory, there have been that many, if not more, failures that have paved the way. Real-life is not all flowers and rainbows, and that is not something to lament about; this just gives us all the more reason to forgive our own mistakes and move on. The less you worry about failure, the more you’ll be able to work; this ties in with the idea of focusing on your efforts rather than the results.
The tips mentioned here will certainly aid in avoiding procrastination, but it is not a sure-shot way to efficiency. Sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you don’t, but the point is always to try. If you still find yourself procrastinating, then it may point to a different problem. It may be because you’re not interested in your tasks. If you often find yourself dreading your job, then it may be time for re-evaluation. On re-evaluation, if you find that you’re not interested in your work, then it may be time for a change. If you find that you are interested in your job yet find yourself falling short of your capability, then it is worth a shot to try counseling. A surprisingly large number of individuals suffer from physical and mental ailments that do not allow them to function to their full potential. It may be a manifestation of poor physical health, poor nutrition, or poor mental health. If you feel like procrastination and demotivation are new to you, re-evaluate your lifestyle and make changes to promote better output.
The conclusion is that procrastination is normal and not a good enough reason to beat yourself down. Don’t get comfortable in this zone and make an effort to return to your work. Understand that you are human and cannot always work at the same frequency and adjust according to your present situation. Know that doing a little bit of a task is better than doing none of it and go from there. Take small steps in the direction of productivity because sometimes the smallest step in the right direction becomes the biggest step towards changing your life.
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Learning To Love The Job You Hate:
Making The Best Of An Imperfect Situation
We get it: plenty of you are not happy with your jobs: with the duties, the salaries, the hours, your coworkers, your bosses, or maybe all of those. Jobs that bring little satisfaction can be draining and demoralizing, but often folks have to keep at them because they bring home a much needed pay check.
Still, there are tactics you can employ to feel better about your employment situation. These strategies help you cope, get through your day and feel less stressed by the end of it. Give one — or all — of them a try, and we guarantee that, while you may never love your job, you will deal with it a whole lot better.
1) Take pride in your work environment, and your appearance. You can’t control the office decor, perhaps, but you can control the way you and your work space look. Make sure your desk is clean, tidy and well organized, and that you are, too! Even if your job demands that you wear a uniform, it’s important to keep it clean and pressed so you feel good about how you present yourself to the world. If you can wear “street clothes” to work, choose the proper attire; a suit, if need be, or a pair of dress slacks and an unfussy jacket and blouse. Nothing says “professional” like the right clothing, and even if you hate your job, you don’t want your outfit to telegraph that to outsiders, and certainly not to your coworkers and bosses.
2) Love your off hours activities: The last thing you should do at the end of your work day is an activity you don’t absolutely love. Of course, we all have chores that need dealing with — grocery shopping, bill paying, etc. — but when it comes to your leisure time, choose wisely. Do something physical, if you can, like hiking or yoga or cycling, because that will rev up your endorphins and improve your mood. Exercise gets rid of stress, and helps put you in the right frame of mind for the following work day. Exercising before work is even better, as you’re upbeat the minute you get to work, but we realize that’s not possible for everyone. The important thing here is finding something you really enjoy and sticking with it, at least three times a week.
3) Make the most of family and friends time. Don’t just gather in front of the television and computer screens after supper — gather in a family or living room and talk. Bring in the kids and your spouse, and dedicate at least an hour to family time. Staying current by really talking helps you remember why it is you’re doing this job you hate — because your family needs you, and the all important income you earn. Bringing friends into that helps too, and when social distancing policies relax around the globe eventually, you can get back to having those get-togethers with people you care about.
4) Your job isn’t all that defines you. Life is made up of many aspects, and your job is only a fraction of it. Who are you, really? A mother, a sister, an aunt, a grandmother…. you define yourself in many ways apart from your job title. It’s important to note that your job is a means to an end, a way of supporting yourself while, perhaps, you write that novel or launch a side business. Write down what matters to you most, and we bet your job comes far down the list.
There are other strategies you can use, like taking a new employee under your wing and showing them the ropes, which is satisfying and might even bring rewards when your boss notices the initiative you’ve taken. If you’re truly unhappy, start applying for jobs elsewhere. Just be sure your lack of enjoyment at work doesn’t show, or you’ll never get the reference and positive feedback you need your boss to pass along to a potential new employer. No matter how much you hate your job, find something about it that is positive, and focus on that. Then sooner, rather than later, move on to a more satisfying position, because life is too short to spend it being miserable at work.
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